I have just completed 60 days of celibacy, during which, i had no sex or maintained any relationship.
It’s been a very meaningful time.
I remember how hard it was to start;
I’ve been thinking about it for years, and when the idea came back, i spent hours and hours contemplating it.
I was torn between what i stand to gain, and what i might lose.
In the final moments before taking the commitment, before officially vowing to do it, i felt the deep meaning and significance of this decision, as if it was something heavy i needed to lift and hold for a while, before deciding where to put it down.
Now, after 2 months, it’s amazing to note the insights and realizations I’ve gained, the aspects of my life which changed, and all the new things i started doing.
The Mission
The biggest is probably the awakened realization of the uniqueness and importance of the work that i do, and my deep calling to share it with others.
I will do that through writing, speaking, creating education&training materials, holding workshops, offering private sessions, and training other healers and therapists in the unique methodologies and approaches i use.
This is my life mission, and everything i do is serving that – setting up a new website, a new business, hiring people, studying, receiving coaching and mentoring, and visioning how this can unfold.
The book
As part of my life mission, I’ve realized how important it is that i write and publish a book, and I’ve committed to it fully.
The book’s working title is: “Multiple orgasms are for beginners – How any woman can orgasm for hours, by herself or with an other”.
It is due in late January 2014 – just 2 months from now.
Register below to know more, and get a free sample chapter when it’s ready.
I’ve already written more than i had in the past two years combined, I’m tremendously enjoying it, and I’m having many new insights as I’m writing.
My biggest challenge with writing is that i have so much to write about, i don’t know where to start. There are at least 3 books in me, apart from the one I’m writing now.
I’ve intentionally chose to lock myself in a semi-secluded house in a forest in sweden where i hardly know any one, for most of the upcoming winter, to focus on my mission.
It’s the first time in my life that I’ve chose to stay at a cold place.
It was also a hard decision to make, as the alternative was going back to my Tantric yogic alternative community in Thailand, but I’ve realized there would be too many distractions there.
Public Speaking
The other major decision and commitment I took was to become a motivational speaker. I’ve signed up to a public speaker training course and am developing this aspect of my offering. I intend to speak at the main TED conference within 2 years, and at the UN convention within 5 years. These ideas need to spread.
Priorities
I’ve realized how much time and energy I spent in the past, interacting with women, seeking sexual experiences, exploring relationships of various depths and durations.
There was nothing wrong with that necessarily – I’ve learnt a lot about myself, shared beautiful moments with many women, and had many experiences which taught me about the stuff which is now my life mission.
But instead of being just part of my life, very often if took most of my focus and attention, and prevented me from doing other things.
Now that I’ve took a break from women, I realize how much time and energy is suddenly available to me.
I’m aware I’m not beyond neediness and attachment to sex and women, yet. I still have a long way to go before I’m detached from my body and senses. But maybe this realization is a step in the right direction. As long as you’re not aware of it, it can be an unquenchable thirst. Recognizing the attachment, and letting it be without needing to feed it, is a way to go beyond it.
I’m aware that if i had women around me, i wouldn’t have created or done or read or self-practiced as much.
Blissful Solitude
During these past two months I’ve re-discovered how much i love being alone.
I literally spent most of the past two weeks by myself, hardly seeing anyone with the exception of 2 shopping trips to the nearest supermarket, passing by people on the jogging trail, and a few skype sessions.
I’ve had 3 days when i spoke to no one, not even on the phone or skype, and that was so charging and refreshing.
I’m looking forward to spending the winter by myself.
Personal-Development
I’ve read more books in these past 2 months than in the last few years, combined, listened to many audio programs, and watched videos of seminars. Topics included sexuality, business, creativity, writing, publishing, self-help, and personal development.
I’m thrilled and excited to know how much amazing information is out there.
I also had coaching and mentoring sessions, and received guidance from some well-known bloggers and writers.
Self Cultivation
I always thought that most of my pleasure in sex had something to do with the woman’s sexual energy, her shakti, or with my enjoyment of facilitating pleasure, or the pleasure of touching and being with a woman.
While all these are true, i would have never imagined that i could experience so much pleasure by myself – and I’ve been having a lot of it.
I’ve been practicing masturbation, or as the Taoists call it, ‘self cultivation’.
I sometimes had hour-long sessions, where most of the time i was on a mild orgasmic state, constantly bringing myself closer and closer to the edge, then relaxing and allowing the energy to move through my body, feeling it mainly in my heart and my head.
Later i would sit back at my writing table and be aware of how this energy is being transmuted into creativity, the power of manifestation, and mental power.
I’ve also experimented with good-old masturbation-to-ejaculation, something i haven’t done in 8 years.
Although the peak is definitely pleasurable, it’s very very short compared to having hours of slightly less intense pleasure. Then there’s the side effects of immediate drop in pleasure, energy levels, and mental clarity, as well as a tinge of sadness.
Coincidentally, or not, a few of my friends and past workshop participants have shared with me, via our private FB group, how profoundly their sex, relationship, and life have changed due to the non-ejaculation practice, and the principals of Tantric love making.
I know that part of my mission is to spread these ideas and practices with many more men.
Self-Acceptance
I feel more at peace with who I am, and with the various things I do in my life.
I realize I can’t please everyone, and that I can be more creative, beneficial, effective, successful, influential, and inspiring when I am true to myself.
I’m still wondering if I should create a separate blog for everything related to sexuality, and write about all the other things that interest me here on this blog.
What do you think?
Jogging and exercise
I’ve started to take long walks and short jogs (is that a word?), as well as exercising at home. I’m greatly enjoying that. I haven’t run in nearly 20 years, and back then, at the army, only did it because I had to.
Spiritual Re-awakening
A month ago, I’ve heard, by chance, that one of my favorite singers, Snatam Kaur, is performing in Stockholm that night. I’ve changed my plans and went to see her. It was a profound evening, my heart burst open, and i re-connected with the practice of devotional singing. I later had my picture taken with her, and was inspired and touched by how sweet and humble she was.
Recently, I’ve discovered an American spiritual teacher called Gangaji, and have listened to hours and hours of her beautiful voice, and profound yet simple teachings.
She basically says, drop all activities and identifications, and realize you are one with everything.
I was reminded of the importance of spiritual practice in my life.
I’m such a “Doer”. It’s good to connect to “Being”, and then the “Doing” comes naturally and effortlessly from it.
I’ve also realized that since this is such a meaningful part of my life, I have to allow myself to express it through everything i do, even if it puts some people off.
So here I am, happily proclaiming that I’m “spiritual”, whatever that means.
Death
In the midst of listening to Gangaji, and having all these spiritual realizations, I’ve received the news that one of my best friends have died after a long battle with cancer.
His optimism, perseverance, and in the same time acceptance, were inspiring and humbling.
How can I complain about anything when there are people out there dealing with sickness and death?
His passing has put my life, my actions, and my priorities in perspective.
I now ask myself every morning, what would i do if this was my last day on earth.
Why stop my celibacy ?
I’m aware i could potentially continue my celibacy tapas (vow) for another few months. I am sure that it will have its benefits, but I’ve realized that i want to integrate sexuality into my life, and learn how to balance it with the other things that I do.
It’s been a profound experience.
Questions, Comments, Reflections, Feedback – All welcome below in the comments.