Edging and the point-of-no-return for women

This is another excerpt from my book ‘Orgasm Unleashed’ (Read a free excerpt or order it here).

It’s directed at women but applies to men as well.

Do your orgasms really fulfill you?

Do you sometimes have an orgasm and rather than feeling satisfied you are still left wanting?

This might mean that you just had a peak orgasm and lost your sexual energy.

Specifically, clitoral orgasms involve local and superficial sensations that are usually followed by a quick decline in pleasure and a period where you are unable to receive further clitoral stimulation. So it’s important to note that certain positions stimulate the clitoris more than others. For example, during penetrative sex when either partner is on top and leaning forward, it can over-stimulate the clitoris and lead to a clitoral orgasm.

But what if you could receive intense and prolonged vaginal or clitoral stimulation – enjoy those sensations – and then turn them into meaningful and empowering states of whole-body orgasm? Would you be interested in trying?

Well, it is indeed possible, and you will be able to do this within a few days of practice. And most women never look back once they have learned to expand and extend their orgasm. It’s like having the best of both worlds – enjoying the ease and strong sensation of clitoral stimulation as well as the longer, deeper and more meaningful experiences of a vaginal orgasm.

To discover the ecstasy and bliss of continuous vaginal or internal orgasms, it’s important that you avoid having a clitoral orgasm for a while. However, after you learn how to turn clitoral stimulation into an internal orgasm, you will be able to enjoy clitoral stimulation while avoiding an explosive clitoral orgasm.

If moving beyond clitoral orgasm is something you desire, you’ll need to learn how to explore the orgasm landscape with a bit more expertise. And the best place to start is at your ‘point-of-no-return.’

The point-of-no-return

The point-of-no-return (PNR) is the exact point at which arousal turns into a peak orgasm. This creates a cascade of physiological responses, a bit like an avalanche in the landscape. It triggers a series of vaginal contractions that scientists love to quote as the primary sign of orgasm. There is also a strong release of neuro-transmitters in the brain and hormones in your body that cause the momentary sensations of pleasure, euphoria and joy. The other side of these natural chemicals is that they also cause mood swings and emotional effects that can last up to two weeks before they stabilize. This is especially so following an explosive clitoral orgasm.

It is crossing the PNR that leads to experiencing an orgasm as a short and sharp peak. As we discussed earlier, this is how most people define and experience orgasm. But you can experience orgasm in other, more powerful ways if you choose. And if you can identify your PNR, you can work with it.

The best way to become attuned to your PNR is to begin playing with it during your self-pleasuring practice before moving on to partner exploration. When you are pleasuring yourself by arousing your clit, notice if you experience any of the following sensations:

• Your breath becomes faster, more shallow and constricted.

• You feel compelled to tense your body and tighten your muscles.

• Your entire attention is focused on your genital area.

• Your movements become more mechanical.

• Your genital area is charged in a ‘sharp’ or ‘heavy’ way.

• Your pleasure is increasing very quickly.

• You feel the desire to apply even more stimulation.

• You feel compelled to push down and out with your vaginal muscles (also known as ‘bearing down’).

• You feel a sense of urgency to ‘come.’

That moment when you feel the need to ‘come,’ to rush or to tense up is the moment just before the PNR. Once you cross that point, you will usually have a peak orgasm, and it will probably be an explosive clitoral orgasm. However, these short and superficial orgasms are stopping you from experiencing longer, ecstatic orgasmic states.

So, if crossing the edge of the orgasmic cliff creates the cascade and avalanche, what do you do instead?

You don’t cross the edge.

You pause.

This pause allows the sexual energy to move.

So when you self-pleasure or have sex, pause for a minute every five minutes or so. Become present with the sensations in your body, your feelings and emotions. Connect with your partner via your eyes, breath, soft words or touch. Then resume what you were doing earlier. This is a particularly good thing to do when you near your PNR.

Embodiment practice – Edging

There is a technique called ‘edging,’ which I also call ‘do not orgasm!’ It’s an excellent technique that can either turn clitoral stimulation into internal orgasm or a single orgasmic peak into a longer orgasmic state.

Again, it’s much easier to learn this by yourself before you attempt it with another person, since you have more control over the stimulation. It’s practiced in the following way:

1. Start to self-pleasure and gradually make your way towards your yoni. Use lots of oil to massage your pubic mound, your outer and inner lips and your clitoris area. Build your pleasure gradually, while breathing, moving and making sounds.

2. Be aware of any of the telltale signs of your impending PNR. Notice that there will be a moment when the pleasure or energy starts to feel very sharp, as if it’s rising quickly. You might feel compelled to apply even more stimulation, to tense your body, to tighten your muscles, to breathe faster or to bear down. You feel that you want to, you need to, you have to come!

3. DON’T!
   If you do, you will probably have a clitoral orgasm, which might be pleasurable but will prevent you from learning how to internalize your clitoral stimulation. And you need to be able to do this if you want to turn short peaks of orgasm into long orgasmic states.

4. Instead, just stop all of the stimulation and completely relax your body. You can be close to the PNR but make sure you stop stimulating yourself before this point. Before it’s too late.

5. Take slow and deep breaths, with extra-long exhalations. The main thing you need to do now is to move your sexual energy away from your genitals. To do this, try touching other parts of your body or taking a break.

6. When you feel that your pleasure has subsided a bit, you can resume your stimulation. Once again, build your arousal and pleasure until you are right back in that zone just before the PNR – then relax again.

7. Keep doing this for at least twenty minutes, and preferably for an hour. You want to be able to constantly ‘edge’ yourself close and then stop on the verge of orgasm.

If, during this practice, your clit suddenly became hypersensitive and unpleasant to touch or if you suddenly lost interest in your practice, you probably had a clitoral orgasm. That’s okay. When you feel ready, arouse yourself again, this time stopping well ahead of your PNR.

After a while of enjoying this practice, you might come to realize that, instead of having an orgasmic peak, you have been in an orgasmic state all along. In the beginning, it might feel like ‘just pleasure,’ but after doing this practice for a week or two and after half an hour of stimulation, you will start to recognize that what you are feeling is much more than ‘just pleasure.’ The build-up of sexual energy in this practice creates an orgasmic state, which you can feel even after you stop touching yourself. You may even have an internal orgasm. Surprise! Your orgasmic power is expanding already.

Good things come to those who wait. And those who wait – come.

And there are plenty of techniques you can try out that can help you to move beyond explosive clitoral orgasms and into the range of implosive internal orgasms.

To know more, read my book ‘Orgasm Unleashed – Your guide to pleasure, healing and power’ (order it here).