Question:
Sex with my man sucks, and he comes too fast.
Sex has become a duty for me.
It feels like my body is being kidnapped.
What should I do ?
My answer:
I’m sorry to hear that.
Bad sex is worse than no sex.
Start with yourself.
Read my book Orgasm Unleashed (find free excerpt or the link to amazon here), deepen your self pleasuring and internal stimulation, explore the different techniques in the book.
The idea is – give yourself what you aren’t getting from your husband.
Have a conversation with him.
Tell him how you’ve been feeling.
Yes it’s gonna be a difficult challenging conversation, but if you’re not gonna have it, your relationship will keep suffering.
But if you love and care about this man, you need to talk about it.
You’re experiencing what i call “Agreeing to be raped”.
When your body isn’t fully ready, your heart isn’t open, you don’t actually want to have sex, you are actually allowing your body to be raped.
I’m sure he doesn’t have an intention to do this to you.
Make sure you stop doing this.
If you don’t have a full 100% YES from your mind, heart and yoni, just tell him you’re not ready to be penetrated of even touched.
Remember you have a full right to say “no” even to your husband.
Don’t try to protect your man from the truth, because he’s doing something which isn’t good for you and for himself.
Find the most loving way to say : I really want to have long, loving, connected, orgasmic sex with you.
Frame this as something you do together, not just something he does by himself.
Ask him to touch you EXACTLY how you want to be touched.
Try to give him what you want to receive from him, even without sex and penetration.
Touch him, massage him, pleasure him, go down on him.
Don’t just pleasure him, also ask for his permission to enjoy his body for YOUR pleasure.
This is called “taking” in the teachings of “The wheel of consent” created by Dr. Betty Martin.
Maybe you don’t even know what your body want.
That’s what you need to learn by touching yourself and guiding him in touching you.
Recommend him to learn my simple 5-step Ejaculation Control method, which has already helped thousands of men to last longer. Find it here.
It might challenge him at first, but in the long run it will serve him, and you.
You need to start talking about it otherwise your relationship might end because of the bad sex.
You can also play with the exercises of sensual hug, five elements touch and other sensual practices.
If your man ever touched you, kissed you, or penetrated you too early, too fast or too strong, he needs to learn how to touch you in a way that makes you relaxed AND aroused, which is one of the secrets of sacred loving orgasmic sex.
Find the “awakening female pleasure” video program where i teach this, here.
Is it all about him?
If you are with a man who has so many issues, it might mean that you have issues as well.
Inquire if you are projecting your own issues onto this relationship.
See a relationship counselor.
Ask him if he’s committed to the relationship and to working on these issues.
If he’s not, or doesn’t do what it takes, consider that your relationship might be finished already.
Finally, after giving him (and yourself) a chance, ask yourself if you want to stay in this relationship for the long term.
If not, it might be a good idea to think about moving on.
Watch the video where i talk about this while walking down the street on the greek island of Corfu, and the sunset over the beautiful beach i reached by the end of the video:
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