Would you like to become a better lover and share more pleasure with your woman? If so, Were you ever making out with a woman who seemed aroused but suddenly switched off?
There can be many reasons to that, but one of them might be that being man, you touched her as if she’s a man, instead of touching her as the woman she is.
It happened to me.
I remember dating this tall gorgeous redhead in England a few years ago.
We enjoyed being together and we made love nearly every day.
But then one day as I was hugging her from behind, I put my hand on her breast.
She immediately froze and pushed my hand away. She got a bit angry. She said she was getting aroused but the way i touched her was a total turn-off.
You see, men and women touch, and like to be touched, in different ways.
Excuse me for the broad generalizations, but most of them are true for most people.
Men are direct, they “go for it”, while women are indirect.
Men are about straight lines, women are about circular and curves.
Men get aroused quickly, while women take time to get aroused, to be ready for sex, and to orgasm.
Men like their genitals touched much earlier than women.
So, one of the ways to arouse a woman in the way she wants to be touched, is by using the “hinting” touch.
THE HINTING TOUCH
The hinting touch is like saying “I know your body/mouth/breasts/ass/vagina/whatever is right there, and I’m going to take my time going all around it before getting there”.
As you are holding a woman, you constantly “hint” towards her erogenous zones, by going near them or around and around them.
“Hinting touch” is sometimes referred to as “teasing” but this word has some negative connotations so I much prefer the term “hinting”.
There are a few benefits to the “hinting” touch.
The hinting touch:
* Arouses and pleasures her more than the “direct” touch
* Builds trust and connection
* Helps her feel more safe and relaxed with you
* Improves your sensitivity and intuition
* Brings more pleasure to you and your body
* Creates more whole body pleasure and possibly whole-body orgasms
* Helps you move away from “goal-oriented sex”
* Is healing and empowering, specifically for women whose boundaries have been crossed in the past
Hinting touch starts a long time before you actually have sex.
Foreplay:
Foreplay is considered by many people, both men and women, to be just a warm up, a way to get someone ready for sex.
Instead, see foreplay as a “hinting” experience.
This is a great opportunity for you to get to know her on a non-verbal level, to signal that you are appreciating everything about the sexual interaction, that you aren’t rushing, that you would like to enjoy more of her, and that you know what you’re doing.
If foreplay is good, it’s a “hint” that sex might be good later on.
Enjoy foreplay for its own sake.
As you are both getting aroused, you might naturally escalate towards sex, or you might not.
So cherish every moment and anything you experience together.
Kissing:
When you kiss her, don’t try to stick your tongue as early and as deep as possible into her mouth.
Instead, first kiss her cheeks, then kiss the sides of her mouth, for a minute or two.
Then kiss her on the lips but don’t use your tongue, yet.
Just hold your lips on her lips, and breathe through your nose.
Wait for her mouth to open, and when it does, slowly insert your tongue into her mouth and just pause.
The “Pause”:
The “pause” touch is another practice of “hinting”.
Whenever you do something new or touch somewhere you haven’t touched before, just pause.
Hold wherever you’re holding, relax your breath and body, feel your body touching her, and let her relax into feeling her body and your touch on her body.
Sensual Hug:
When you hug, and you feel it’s going towards foreplay, don’t grab her ass.
Instead, hold your hand on her lower back, which is a very erogenous area by itself.
You can then move your hand along her lower back, the sides of her hips, and you can briefly touch her upper thighs, especially the line between her ass and her thighs.
Watch a video that explores a sensual hug and the ‘Hinting’ touch, here (Opens in new window).
Touching her breasts:
When things are heating up, and you feel she is ready for you to touch her breasts, take your time.
Caress, touch and hold her neck, shoulders and upper chest.
Hold your hand on her upper belly or lower ribs, under her bra line.
Your thumb can rest on the middle of her chest.
The message is “I know your breasts are there…. aaaaaand i have enough time”.
If you do this for a while, her breasts will charge up with arousal and pleasure and she will probably feel a yearning to be touched. She is probably used to men touching her too early, too fast, and too rough. Your gentle and gradual touch builds trust, arousal and yearning to be touched.
If you want to be sure, you can ask her if she wants you to touch her breasts.
When you finally do touch her breast, don’t squeeze it.
Just hold her breast in your hand, from underneath.
Feel her breast, and let her feel your hand over her breast.
Touching her vagina:
When you are making out for a while and you keep getting a “yes”, both verbally and physically, you can proceed towards her vagina, but instead hold, touch, and caress her lower belly, her inner thighs, and all around her ass.
If you want to use your fingers, don’t be like other men who finger her too early, too fast, and too strong. This is what most women i talk with complain that men do. It often hurts them but at times they still don’t say anything.
Instead, first make sure you have touched her all AROUND her vagina – as I mentioned above, with the same “hinting” approach.
Then, touch her labia (vaginal lips) gently, with the tips of your fingers, using the air element touch.
Watch this video to learn more about the the “Air element touch”.
Then cup her vagina with your palm and just hold her.
When I did this with women, some of them relaxed into my touch, some got aroused, and some cried because it was so meaningful and healing for them to be touched with this sensitivity.
Next, explore her labia and clit with your finger.
Make sure you are moving slowly, and that your fingers are lubricated by either your saliva or her vaginal juices.
Get close to her clit, but don’t apply too much friction or stimulation, for too long, directly on her clit.
While you’re doing this, remember to stay connected with her through your presence, eyes, breath, hands, and the rest of your body.
Then circle your finger around and around the entrance to her vagina.
This is another form of “hinting”.
You know exactly where her entrance is, and you are taking your time penetrating her.
After a few minutes, ask if she’s ready for your finger inside her.
If and when she wants that, insert your finger in slowly, hook it slightly up towards her pubic bone, and again, pause, just hold, feel her vagina and let her feel your finger.
Oral sex:
Oral sex can be another experience of “hinting”.
Don’t “attack” her clit with your tongue.
Instead, go around and around her vagina – smelling, kissing, gently licking, softly rubbing your nose and your face (as long as you don’t have a scratchy beard or stubble).
When you do reach her clit, just press your lips on her for a minute, then rest your tongue on her clit for another minute or so.
Then move your tongue SLOWLY on her clit and up-and-down her labia.
Occasionally pause, with your tongue or mouth on her labia.
As mentioned earlier, don’t apply too much clitoral stimulation for too long.
Penetrative sex:
When she wants you inside her, first rest your cock on her labia for a few minutes.
Then bring your cock close to her entrance but don’t penetrate her yet.
Just circle around the entrance.
Ask her to ask you to penetrate her.
It’s very empowering and healing for a woman to invite a man into her, instead of just consenting.
After she asked you to penetrate her, do that very slowly, as slow as you can. This is again a “hinting” approach.
Once you penetrated her, pause and allow both of you to feel the sensations and to connect with each other.
Start moving inside her, slowly, and occasionally pause again for a minute or so.
When you learn how to control your ejaculation, you can stay inside her and last as long as you want.
As much as the “hinting” touch is great, remember it’s not the only kind of touch to use. Sometimes a woman yearns for you to just “go for it”, to kiss her, go straight for her breast or penetrate her without much foreplay.
As you develop your perception and communication skills, and as your woman feels more comfortable to express her needs and desires, you will be better able to connect with and pleasure each other.
THERE’S MORE…
If you want to become a better lover, to learn how to deeply connect with your partner and pleasure her more than either of you thought was possible, check out “Awakening Female pleasure” – an online video program that teaches you how to connect to a woman and awaken her pleasure.
My main message is that it’s not about the technique, but about connecting and feeling oneself, following simple principles, feeling her and communicating.
And yes, there’s also techniques and routines – Orgasmic hug, breast massage, 5 elements touch, whole body massage, external and internal vaginal massage, and more.
The program opens a few times a year, for a few days at a time.
Watch more free videos and learn more about “Awakening Female Pleasure”, here.
Ladies, learn how to teach your men to pleasure you, here.
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