She arrives at my home.

We planned to meet and make love and we’re happy to see each other after a few days apart.

We hug and look into each other’s eyes.

I put on some soft Latin music and we slow-dance in the living room.

I’m enjoying how she lets me lead her.

We kiss softly and continue dancing.

I’m enjoying her smile, her smooth skin, her hair in my face.

I feel she’s enjoying my body as well.

There is attraction, there is a bit of turn-on.

But something feels off.

Our feet are in sync, our hips are in sync, but her chest and upper back feel rigid. I can feel the difference, because usually her whole body responds to me and flows with me.

I know I might be able to stimulate her, to arouse her by pressing the right buttons, and be inside her in half an hour.

I’ve done that before, we’ve done that before, she taught me how she likes to be pleasured.

But that doesn’t feel right.

I want to unite with her through love, not through lust.

Through surrender, not through stimulation.

With her heart open, not just with her legs open.

There’s an elephant in the room and I don’t want to pretend it’s not there just to have sex with her.

I can feel the part of me that just wants things to be simple, wishing she was fully open, like that day last year when we danced for hours or that evening recently when we made love for hours on her porch while it was raining.

But that was then, and this is now.

So, I choose to love her and love the part of her that is not open right now.

I try to move her and move with her in a way that opens her chest and her heart, but there’s still a resistance. It’s as if she’s wearing a lead plate, an armor, that locks her upper body in one position. Her hips still move with me, but her chest stays rigid.

I caress her and kiss her softly, but her chest stays unresponsive to my touch.

She sheds a few tears and I hug her, but the tension is still there.

I sit her down on my lap and attempt to move her upper body in a different way.

But by now she notices that I’m doing something, and her frustration is visible.

I ask her how she feels.

Soon she shares the things that she was bothered about, a misunderstanding, a doubt, something I said, a silly fight that we didn’t fully resolve.

I own my part and she owns hers.

She cries, now she really cries, and I hold her.
I’m touched by her tenderness, her surrender, and I shed a few tears as well.

Now I can feel her.

After some time, we get up and start chatting.
The heaviness lifted.

There is a voice in my head whispering that if I was a better man, a more skillful lover, I would have dissolved her resistance and had sex with her. Hello inner critic, thank you, I love you, and you can rest now.

We didn’t have sex today, but I’m glad I chose not to stimulate her, not to bypass the emotion, but rather to love the part that both resists love and yearns for love.

We didn’t have sex today, but it feels like we made love.

Sometimes, it’s ok to have sex based on desire and even lust.

It’s good to know how to arouse, stimulate and pleasure yourself and your partner, but without the heart, it only goes so far, and in the long run, it wouldn’t deeply satisfy you.

As a woman, cultivate the love in your heart, ignite and shine light through your chest and your breasts, and invite a man’s direction as long as it feels right.

As a man, love and worship your woman, open her from her heart and chest down to her genitals, and harness your desire to open together into love. Aim to open her without words, but if that doesn’t work after a while, simply ask her how she feels and what she needs.

Seek union not through stimulation, but through love and surrender.

To learn more about connecting with your woman in pleasure and love, check out the free program “The Basics of Female Pleasure”.