Ejaculation control changed my life. After more than twenty years of practice, the biggest changes came in three areas: Pleasure, Love and Power. I have far more pleasure than I used to, including orgasmic states that last for long minutes without ejaculating, and I’m able to bring my partner to pleasure, deep long orgasms, and sometimes to total ecstasy. I feel much more love and connection with my partner and it affects our relationship outside the bedroom. And I enjoy more creativity, confidence, presence and power in my daily life.
How did Ejaculation Control change my life?
I’ve been practicing ejaculation control in some way or another since the year 2000, and more seriously since 2005. It still makes a difference, not just in my sex life, but in my life outside of the bedroom.
In my 20s, I would sometimes last for a while, and at other times i experienced premature ejaculation, coming the moment I penetrated or even coming in my pants while making out with a woman.
When I started practicing it was about lasting longer, but I discovered that when I choose to ejaculate less, the effects are much stronger.
These days I choose to ejaculate about once or twice a month, instead of coming at the end of every sexual encounter, the way most men do and the way I used to. There’s nothing wrong with ejaculating. It’s a beautiful and natural part of being a man. But it’s a choice, and learning to have that choice is what made the difference.
Even after mastering ejaculation control, i find that in the sessions where i intend to come, i’m thinking and planning when i should come, i try to come in the best moment, when I am the hardest and in the best position, and if I should put a condom on or come in her mouth… so much mental activity ! Once I let go of the need to ejaculate, I managed to have much more focus on my partner. I was attuned to her pleasure, her body, her emotions, and the connection between us. And I started to experience much more pleasure in my own body.
How does Ejaculation Control increase pleasure?
Ejaculation control gave me more pleasure, not less.
Before learning these practices, I mainly had pleasure during ejaculation, for a few seconds. Now I have different kinds of pleasure and orgasmic states that last for long minutes.
When you learn to control your ejaculation, you can make love for much much longer, and experience new kinds of pleasure and orgasmic states that you didn’t imagine were possible. Yes, you can have orgasms without ejaculating!
This practice made me much more connected to and aware of my body, its sensations and energy flows. I am a man with an over-active mind, and even years of meditation didn’t help much. But when I make love, I think less, and I am more present and centered in my body. This by itself is pleasurable and rewarding. Instead of a few moments of no-mind during and just after ejaculation, I experience the bliss of a calm mind, a clear focus, an expanded awareness, for hours during and after conscious love making.
And, obviously, it’s not just about me.
I always wanted to bring joy and pleasure to the women I made love with. I delighted in helping a woman experience her first orgasm or stay in an orgasmic state for long minutes. Learning to control my ejaculation is a crucial part in that.
When you can control your ejaculation, you can bring your partner to new depths of pleasure, multiple orgasms and ecstasy, not through hard fucking, but rather through slow penetration, a light touch, or even with a mere gaze. And there is the pleasure of witnessing your woman in the throes of ecstasy for long minutes, and even hours. For any man who really loves and adores women, this is one of the most pleasurable, exciting and satisfying things we can witness.
Having penetrative sex for an hour or longer isn’t just more of the same, but rather, it’s so much better that it’s like a different kind of experience all together – Your bodies get charged but relaxed, the pleasure is expanding throughout the body and it feels like different kinds of pleasure, your hearts open, and you go through waves of ecstasy and valleys of relaxation.
Pleasure is only one of the reasons to make love. Love and intimacy are equally important.
How does Ejaculation Control deepen love and connection?
Ejaculation control deepened the love and connection in my relationships.
Longer-lasting sex isn’t just more of the same. As time goes by, the quality of the interaction deepens, and you feel much more love, connection, appreciation and union with your partner. This turns sex and fucking into love making.
There’s a contrast most couples know. When a man ejaculates, even though he still loves his partner, he is often less connected to her, less interested, less devoted. A moment ago she was the most beautiful woman in existence, and after he comes, she’s okay. Women feel that. When you’re not coming, sex doesn’t really finish. I can be in bed with my partner, and half an hour later I hug her from behind in the kitchen and get instantly hard again, even now in my early 50s. Even if we don’t go back to penetrative sex, we still feel connected.
For some women I met, the fact I wanted to have sex with them but not ejaculate, was a complete revelation, and it transformed the meaning of our encounter. I was not another man who was using their vagina as a tool for masturbation, but a man who wanted to genuinely connect with them.
After some time practicing Ejaculation Control, it also became a form of birth control. I hardly ever miss the point of no return, and in the rare cases when I do, I immediately recognize it and pull out before I actually start ejaculating. Over the past 20 years, I regularly made love with my partner when she was ovulating, and never got her pregnant. Making love naturally with less risk of pregnancy allows both of us to relax, enjoy the pleasure and deepen the connection between us. Obviously, it takes time, practice and commitment to get to this level of awareness and control, so don’t let go of protection before you are sure you’ve mastered it.
Then, there’s also the healing aspect. Learning to last longer and choosing if and when I ejaculate, the increase and variety in pleasure states for my partner and me, and becoming a better lover, have been deeply healing for the women I’ve been with. Most women have had negative experiences related to sex and their femininity. Even without learning to be a healer, with just intention, love and pleasure, you can bring deep healing and a much needed medicine for your partners or your woman.
Ultimately, deepening love and connection are not just about self love or love of your partner. Love expands to include your life, all the people in your life, and existence itself. I started practicing Tantra because I wanted to be a better lover, but it became part of my spiritual practice.
Even if spiritual realization isn’t important for you, the effects of ejaculation control will be felt in your daily life and even in your career.
How does Ejaculation Control make you more powerful?
Ejaculation control made me more powerful, in and out of the bedroom.
There is a deep satisfaction in being able to control such a natural, ingrained, evolutionary instinct. There is power in noticing the urge and saying no to it. It helped me deal with the need for instant gratification, and it strengthened my willpower.
It gave me confidence as a man in relation to women. When I was dating and flirting, I knew that I could last as long as I wanted, that I wasn’t going to blow it. And it changed my interactions with other men. It feels good to be around other men and know that I’m a man who controls himself.
This practice lets me stay relaxed and focused when there is very strong energy moving, in me or in my partner. That’s an allegory for life. Once you can stay calm in the storm of sexual energy, it’s easier to stay calm in the storm of life. Because it’s not what happens in life, it’s how you respond rather than react. There’s no more brain-dead state after sex either, so I have more mental energy for the rest of my life.
Sexual energy is creative energy. Napoleon Hill, in his timeless classic “Think and grow Rich”, wrote that sexual energy is among the most powerful human forces, and that channeling it into work rather than spending it physically is what fuels creativity and success.
Boxers and other athletes such as Mike Tyson and Muhammad Ali, famously avoided sex before big matches, and many coaches of sports teams forbid their players from having sex during tournaments.
If you are already successful, learning to control your ejaculation and coming less often, will make you more successful in ways you can’t even imagine.
What’s the best way to control your ejaculation?
There isn’t one single best thing that makes this work. There aren’t quick fixes for coming too quickly. There aren’t magic pills, and if you rely on pills, creams, wipes and chemicals, you will become reliant on them and would not know how to really control your ejaculation.
The approach I teach to control your ejaculation, is a five-step process – Why, Feel, Pause, Move, Transform:
- Why – It starts with your mindset, your deep reasons to control your ejaculation. If you’re not lasting as long as you want, it’s partly because you are half-assed about it. When your Why is strong enough, the how and the what become much easier. This is missing from many teachings which jump straight to “squeeze this and breathe like that”.
- The 2nd step, Feel, is learning to feel how aroused you are, and how close you are to the point of no return. There are signs and they are in your body, not in your mind.
- The 3rd step, Pause, is catching it in time and pausing before you get too aroused. Easier said than done, because a million years of evolution are telling you to just “go for it”. How you pause is also important
- “Move” is learning to move your sexual energy away from your genitals, so your arousal decreases and so that pleasure spreads throughout your body. There are 20 or more ways to move your energy and they fit different people in different situations. I had premature ejaculation because i only knew about 1 or 2 of these. Learning the other 18 made the long-lasting transformation.
- Transform, is about the practices you need to do outside the bedroom.
I don’t claim it’s effortless. But if you recognize the life-changing effects that ejaculation control has on your pleasure, intimacy and personal power, then committing to it is totally worth it.
Where to start
Learning to control my ejaculation has changed my life, and the lives of my colleagues, students and clients. It started with learning to last longer, and it became something much bigger: the freedom to choose how often I actually come.
If you want to start, I put together a free program that walks you through your Why and the first steps of lasting longer naturally, without chemicals, gadgets or magical tricks. There’s also the guide “20 Mistakes men make when trying to last longer”, so you know what to avoid, and what to do instead.
Access the free “Ejaculation Control Basics Program” here.
This practice changed my life, and I’m here to help you change yours.
I know you can do it !
Eyal Matsliah
Sex coach
