Have you ever decided to consciously refrain from sex and relationships for a certain period in your life ?
Did you imagine how your life will look like if you weren’t concerned with sex, dating, or your intimate partner ?
Well, one month ago, i did exactly that – I’ve committed to a 2 month celibacy period – No sex, No making out, No dating, No relationships.
It’s been a very meaningful month.
I’ve come to realize how much my interactions with women – sex, dates, conversations, going over to meet her – were taking time, effort and energy.
Suddenly i have more time to focus on my mission, i’ve been reading more than ever, working a lot, and attended a few courses and seminars.
I’ve also realized to what extent affects my decisions – how I choose to spend my time, how i schedule things around my planned meeting with my lover, how possible future interactions influence my decision making.
I’ve become aware how my mind creates scenarios of possible interactions with the women i see on the street or on Facebook.
I then feel a mixture of relief to realize I don’t need to do anything to pursue that possibility, and a feeling of missing out.
It is in accepting and going beyond the “missing out”, that i manage to let go of my attachment to sex and women.
One of my goals has been to connect with my own sexuality and my feminine energy, instead of seeking it outside of me and projecting it unto women.
The main way to do that is by self-pleasuring (aka masturbating) on a near daily level, something i haven’t done since i was a teenager.
At first it was a bit awkward, and i had to struggle to find the pleasure and willingness to keep doing it for more than a few minutes.
But my pleasure grew from day to day, and i find myself going to heights of pleasure that i don’t remember ever having by myself, apart from the first time i’ve ever masturbated (and ejaculated) when i nearly fainted from the pleasure.
It’s important to mention that in the past 8 years i have chosen to minimize any form of ejaculation, and it’s also true for the self pleasuring practice – I masturbate but do not ejaculate.
I constantly get very close to the Point of No Return (PNR), then stop and circulate the energy around my body.
This increases all-body pleasure, as well as allows for harnessing and channeling sexual energy into all aspects of my life.
Nearly every night, I’m experiencing very sensual and vivid erotic dreams, in which i find myself in a sensual, erotic or sexual situation, sometimes withdrawing and at other times bending or breaking the rules of my celibacy commitment.
However, although my subconscious wants to have sex, i have managed not to have wet dreams (save for one incident), which shows i have enough dedication to keep this practice going, even when I’m asleep.
One of the intentions i had for this celibacy period was to have more focus on my mission of empowering others sexually and helping them to transform their lives. Indeed i do feel an increased clarity, dedication, motivation, and ability to express my mission . I have attended a few related trainings, gained clarity on what exactly I’m good at and what i should focus on, committed to writing and publishing a book, and have another project in mind, which I’m going to share soon.
My recent relationship turned into a wonderful friendship, and it’s interesting to explore our connection beyond attraction and expectations. It seems like we get along better like this, now. We actually had dinner a few days ago, and she said exactly the same thing, about an hour after I’ve written it.
During the recent month, I’ve been to London twice to attend seminars, have held a workshop in Belgium, and enjoyed a mini-vacation in a beautiful house in Sweden, set in a forest on the shores of a lake.
Apart from the practice of self-pleasuring, i’ve also began to take more walks and done some jogging and running – something i haven’t done since i was in the army, 20 years ago.
I’ve managed to do more daily meditation than in earlier months, and started doing a very short meditation before going to sleep.
I am now focusing on limiting my sleep hours, and becoming an early riser.
I’m looking forward to making love again, although i feel that it will be in the context of meaningful short interactions, rather than committing to a relationship.
I’m wondering how sex would feel like, after 2 months of amazing experiences of self pleasuring.
How do you feel reading about these experiences ?
Does it motivate you to try if for yourself ?