Full video from my facebook live talk about genital herpes:
Audio:
This is an approximate transcript of the video:
We are having a presentation on genital herpes, about what it is, and how to protect yourself and others. I’ll also be sharing my personal journey with herpes. Today I’m being even more real with you than usual. Sharing with you something that is more vulnerable than I usually share. So I was going to start with explaining to you what herpes is, but maybe I’ll share with you my own story first.
A few years ago, I was having sex with my girlfriend, she was going down on me, on the rocks, it was beautiful, perfect. You can consider it as a sexual fantasy coming true. Suddenly, she goes “what’s that?” and I had a spot on my cock. “I think it’s herpes” I said “i don’t know” I thought we should go to the doctor and we found out it was herpes and then I went through a time that was quite challenging. It was challenging because I didn’t know what it is, I don’t know what it means, I didn’t know what to do, I have no one to guide me. This is one of the reasons why I decided to do this video because I thought it was nothing but it’s not such a big deal like people make it out to be. When I had herpes, I thought my sex life is over. I thought it feels like HIV or something like that. I just remembered the guilt and the shame. Nobody should know about that and feeling like a leper.
And all of these questions: what it is and why did i get it. By the way, I got this even before all of my tantric things, I discovered it years earlier and I had a test. I discovered that I had herpes but I conveniently forgot. I did not understand what it is. I preferred not to know.
I had a time when I was confused, not knowing what to do. I had a really beautiful experience with a very sexual woman at this tantric community I was in and it felt like electricity between us . It was quite amazing, Still with our clothes on. When I was about to penetrate her, I told her I had herpes and she immediately withdrew. Earlier, we were close to each other and it felt like I am inside of her and a second later after I told her, we were miles apart.
Following that, I decided to go in front of my whole tantric school. I was one of the students, I’ve been there for years and I went in front of my whole tantric school. In the beginning they thought I was telling them something that I might be a joke. And I tell them that half of the world might have something in common and they said, “love, that and this, and I said,”no, half of the world has herpes” and they started laughing then I said so do I. And they started laughing even more. I wasn’t laughing and I remembered that smile was sort-of disappearing. They realized that I wasn’t joking that I had herpes. So I stood there in the stage in front of hundreds of people, tantric school, yoga school, with my friends, my community and told everybody. Saying “Listen, I have herpes, there are people in this school that have herpes, half of the world has herpes and be aware of what it is be aware how you can have it , be aware of the risks and that some people are exaggerating regarding if it is like HIV or something.
Immediately after the talk, I have many people come to me and say thank you for putting this topic on the map, putting it on the table, bringing it for public discussion. Finally there was someone who can talk about it. This was a very sexual community but nobody wants to talk about this. There was no education, there was no support. Nothing. I became the STD support-line for people. People would come to me and consult with me and I am not a medical source so I don’t know what is there for STD’s but at least I can support people and listen to them and resonated what they were telling me and also, I was able to give people some advice.
If you go into Wikipedia. I know it is not the most authoritative source, but according to Wikipedia and also other sources, about 50-70 percent of world has some kind of herpes. There are 2 kinds of herpes. One of them is the oral kind, what we call cold sores, this is called HSV 1, Herpes S Virus. The other one is down there, which is HSV 2 , called herpes.
It’s like they’re two different things. Do you know anybody who has cold sores? Did you have cold sores? Have you ever seen anybody who has it? They have herpes. This is the same virus. There’s also herpes zoster shingles, there’s also ocular herpes, finger herpes, but the main ones are on the genitals. There is pretending in the society, like oh I just have a cold sore, there’s nothing bad about that. I’m just saying it’s the same thing. But there is much more stigma associated with genital herpes. Why is that? Because it is on the genitals. So if it’s on the face, its uncomfortable, some people go around with big spots of cold sores or stuff. but it’s not as serious as when take your pants off and you go down on me and say “I have herpes” then suddenly, it’s something big.
I would say oral herpes is more infectious than genital herpes. Because how many people have you had genital sexual interaction with compared to how many people you kiss on the cheek. Especially when you are European, or when Swiss people kiss three times and French people kiss two times. Even when you hug, When you have a herpes outbreak, and you kiss your friends, you use the same spoon or pass the same food around. That is a risk of infecting people with herpes. This is more prevalent but much more forgivable by society. It’s accepted by society.
I know somebody that was at a wedding and she had herpes and she was one of the family of either the bride or the groom, and had a massive herpes thing and she kissed all of the guests. I knew this woman and I told her not to kiss the guests. She said, “it’s okay” so just be aware of that. Be aware that you may get herpes from people you kiss with or share a cup with, from people who have the infection.
Another important thing to remember is that a person is more infectious when he has an outbreak. An outbreak means when they actually have the spot either on their mouth or their genitals. By the way, genitals may be in a person’s ass crack, the whole genital area. I can be a mass, all of the mucous membranes and all of the areas of the mouth internally.
So you are infectious when you have a spot but you are also infectious if you carry it for life. As far as i know there’s no way to cure herpes and the problem is the biggest thing with herpes there is some risk of infecting other people with herpes when you don’t have an outbreak. For example, a few days before you have an outbreak, you might notice that the point where you normally have herpes, it’s not exactly itchy, for me it feels like very gentle pin pricks. It’s not so painful, it’s not so bad but I start feeling it. And even if you’re not feeling it, if you don’t have an outbreak, there is still a possibility that you have skin shedding. It means that you are already sharing virus cells. There is a risk and the size of the risk is unknown.
Generally with STD’s it’s very important when you have sex not just to ask the person if they have something. It’s good to ask them to take tests, sometimes many people are not aware that they have STD’s because some STD’s stay dormant for years and some people may have not have STDs because their immune system is strong. You have to ask your doctor to give you a herpes test because some doctors won’t even test that. I have heard from friends from some countries that they ask for herpes test and the doctor actually says, “You know half of the world has it, it’s not a big deal. Why have the test? It’s not important.” I believe it is important to know.
In some ways it is a skin condition, it’s an STD it is transmitted, the genital one is transmitted through sexual intercourse but it’s basically a skin issue. It’s not always comfortable , to be honest, especially if you have your first few outbreaks or first few months or few years you have it. Some people, depending on the strength of your immune system, might have stronger outbreaks or lighter outbreaks.
There is also another aspect wherein your attitude toward your herpes condition will determine the severity of the condition you’ve experienced. Two people can have the exactly the same severity but one of them can have a huge guilt over this and feel really bad about their condition. They will psychologically suffer. Another person that wouldn’t deal with slight itchiness for a few days will not suffer. There might be a change in what they’re doing. One of my partners was herpes positive before she met me, and would wear dresses. She will not wear shorts or tights. She wears dresses so the area will breathe.
Take tests to know if you have it or don’t have it. And I would recommend you to tell people. This is where I want to share with you, that I had times that I did not tell people. I went between sometimes, I say “Hello, my name is Eyal and I have genital herpes”. The moment that I announced to my school, community, friends, everyone, it freed me so much. I felt so free because suddenly I wasn’t hiding this disease. It was a huge ugly horrible secret anymore. One or two weeks after, one of my friends that I was flirting with decided to make love with me and we had a beautiful short relationship and we’re still friends. I’m mostly friends with everyone I’ve ever been with. Sometimes I would joke about it when I pass a cup of tea and say “ It’s okay, I only have genital herpes, don’t worry about it”.
By the way, even if you have cold sores, which is also herpes, please tell people or share the fact that you have it, if you’re about to kiss, tell the possibility that they might get, all herpes or cold sores if kissed, and let them make their own choices. And yes, I had women who didn’t want to have sex with me, when I told them, I lost a few opportunities to have sex and I had sex with quite a lot of women in my life and sometimes it didn’t happen. And to be honest, in some ways it is a blessing because I was very sexually active that in some way there was no hindrances, there are no blockages, there are just sex and a lot of sex. And now, since I started telling people that I have herpes it is like, some of it becomes more meaningful, because when I tell the woman and she decides to make love with me without a condom, it is a sign of trust, it is a sign of more meaningful not just a casual or random sex. I never had a random or casual sex there was only beautiful and meaningful sex. It just make it even more meaningful. The fact that you tell somebody that you have herpes and they decide to trust and decide to make love to you. And if they don’t, many people will not have sex with you if you have herpes, because they are brainwashed that herpes is a horrible thing and they immediately label you.
I actually met few sexual educators that are uneducated and there wasn’t a curiosity of what it is and what is still possible. So for example if you have herpes you can still have non-genital sex with somebody or your genitals can be covered and you can touch your genitals. Side notes some people say that if you have an outbreak it’s even in your saliva that’s again a low risk, The main thing is not to be hysterical about this.
Tell people that you have genital herpes and let them make the decision. By the way I would prefer not to have herpes, if you have a choice to have or not to have it, it is better not to have it. Now that I do have it like I say something about my lovemaking about my connection with women that it became more meaningful, because now they need to make more of a considered decision about if they make love with me or not. So, there are few things that I tell them. Yes, I have a genital herpes, I have for 12 or 13 years. In the past few years I hardly ever have outbreaks, and I don’t remember that the last time that I have an outbreak, probably around 3 years. There is some risk of infection if my lover is making love with me, but because I don’t have an outbreaks. You are more infectious if you have an outbreak. If you don’t have an outbreak there is less risk of infection. Let them make the decision and then you can also decrease the risk. There are ways to decrease the risk. What are the ways to decrease the risk?
I am sorry to be technical but there are few things that I wanted to express. I have had genital herpes since around 2004. I hardly have outbreaks anymore but still there are risk of infections even when I don’t have an outbreak. It is important to tell people. Condoms reduce the risk of catching of herpes but they do not eliminate it. Again this is where people uneducated, they have herpes or they don’t have a herpes, everybody can be more educated: Condoms reduce the risk of catching of herpes but they do not eliminate it. This means you can wear 3 condoms one on top of the other but you would still be shedding. There still skin cells that would be infected by the herpes virus that is going to rub over the genitals of your woman. If you are a man who is clear and do have a herpes, making love with a woman who does have herpes, the touching and the rubbing of the mucous membranes means that you might get it anyway. So, condoms do not eliminate the risk. And think about this men, that sometimes condoms do cover all your cock. It starts to roll up.
There is a link that I can share with you that you can share with your partners.
Here comes that next thing that I would say: I have infected 1 or 2 women in the past. 1 or 2 women, because one of those wasn’t sure if it came from me or not. And as far as I know that is only woman that I have ever infected. So yes there is a possibility that I have infected more women that they do not know. So it is important for me to share that it did happen. It happened when I wasn’t fully honest about having herpes. I am not happy about that at all, this is why I am here speaking to the world or to the people watching this and who will be watching this in the future, because from now on in the future I will be a sex educator who will comes out to the world and say “Hey, I have a herpes and I infected 1 or 2 women”.
This happen when I wasn’t clear about my herpes situation, specifically with this one woman that I didn’t tell her that I had herpes and she probably got this from me. With another woman I did tell her and it wasn’t clear if I had an infection or if I do not have an infection and there small spots that is different from small spot that is usually happening.
But this is something that comes with sex. And I really wish that nobody will get this. Like I said it is much better not to have this. It is same thing with everything that you do. There is a risk in everything that you do. You drive a car and car is dangerous. There is a woman in Ko Phangan told me that it is very important for her to take care of her body and stuff. So, she didn’t want to have sex with me for the risk of something happening. And then I saw her driving without a helmet. And I was like it is her choice and everything. But it is like people are not clear with the risk they are taking. Now, it is like freedom, like people are driving a their motorbike without a helmet and that is the risk. i once had a motorbike accident. I had a few motorbike accidents. So there is risk in everything you do, also with having sex and being sexually open and very sexually active, there is a risk. Obviously you might think that the biggest risk is HIV, but as far as I know the biggest risk is hepatitis B. It is more infectious and more deadly, just be aware of that as well.
It is important to have safe sex. I do believe in safe sex and I do encourage people to have safe sex. But even safe sex sometimes doesn’t protect you, What I usually recommend to have tests, to have STD test, comprehensive STD test. Make sure that you test everything and make sure that you get tested every 6 months. And if there is any doubt, test again.
Let me get back to this thing that I share with my potential lover. I say since condoms does not offer complete protection I disinfect myself with hydrogen peroxide and sometimes with antibacterial soap such as Dettol before sex. This is something that I used to do in the past and i don’t do so much currently mostly because I’ve written this in the period when I was a little bit hysterical about myself and hysterical about herpes. I was literally washing my genitals with antibacterial soap which smells like hospital and also with hydrogen peroxide and was also recommending my partner to do that after sex as well. So again reduces the risk because this soap and diluted hydrogen peroxide are killing everything that might be alive there. It doesn’t eliminate the risk but it further reduces the risk.
Why I don’t do this anymore because I found that your state of mind affects what happens with you. So, I do tell my partner, I do tell my potential partners before we make love and I tell them about the risk. There is much more truth and integrity. I have more integrity that I usually have. It is still possible to do this. I am still doing it sometimes and what happens usually with a new lover is that we would usually starts with condoms and after both of us take tests to make sure that I do not have anything else apart from herpes-usually we take off the condoms. I practice ejaculation control so I don’t have any risk or fear of pregnancy. It is obviously more nicer to make love without condoms.
This is the beginning of the email also what I wrote a potential lover: I’m just wondering if you have also cold sore which is herpes type 1 because if somebody has cold sore they actually have less risk of getting herpes. So if you have one kind of herpes you have less risk of getting other kind of risk. There is little bit risk, there is tiny risk, there is some risk but it is not a big risk. In some ways, whenever I meet somebody and I discovered that they have herpes, there is considerably less risk. It is also like I’ve been with some partner that they make love for a long time.
I love women with cold sores and I did have sex with some partners with unprotected sex for years and there was no infection. I keep protected. The fact that there is a risk doesn’t mean that you are actually going get it or your partner is going get it. The risk is not a 100%, a risk has a certain percentage. But I don’t remember the percentage.
Question: Are you saying that media creates drama and hyperbole that tells people about unprotected sex? I don’t that it is just the media thing. I think it is a society thing. I think that generally the media has double the standards about sex. So we like to believe that we are sexually liberated, expressed and free, but actually most people have huge guilt, fear and shame around sexuality. They are uneducated about sexuality, they do not know what is possible. I think that society as a whole is having this double messages about sex. I don’t know it is necessary about the media. The media for sure doesn’t know. If you google anything about sexuality most of the media channels would not know about what they are talking about. I’m trying to get myself to make a channel to be the voice of sanity, reason and experience. I hope that answers the question.
I would also ask sometimes and tell my partner or potential partner or lover “Yes, I have herpes”. What’s your thoughts about the situation and they will say “I don’t know the last time I got tested is two years ago”. Then I would say “Really, why don’t you get tested?”. I met this woman, we have a quite interesting meeting. We got really nice connection from first sight. In communities that people are sexuality active, I heard that she had sex with another sexual educator who I know that have herpes. He’s quite open to public about this. We started making out, the connection, the energy, the attraction and the last was just crazy. Then I told her that I have herpes. She said “I’m not sure if I want to make love”. I was like “It’s okay that you do not want to have sex with me, no worries, but you had sex with that guy the other night, did he tell you that he had herpes?” She said “No, he didn’t”. She obviously get very angry because he did not tell her that he had herpes. They even had a threesome with another woman. I confronted him about this and asked him. He said “Yeah, I dunno, It all happened so fast. I didn’t tell her but I thought I told her, but maybe I didn’t tell her.” I told him that you are a good sexual educator that I love and appreciate. What I am saying here is that, do not judge the people that are telling you they have herpes. Some people are not telling you they have herpes and I used to be one of them. If somebody is telling you, it actually a good sign that they are open with you, they are honest with you and they care about you.
Sometimes to be honest I cared about myself more and that is the reason why I didn’t tell women, because we want to have sex with them and we do not want to this herpes conversation. If you care about the person you wanted to have sex with, tell them that you have herpes. Obviously I am speaking specifically to people who have herpes because these are the people who might be challenged, suffering and confused to talk about this. It is really important for us to be open about this and also not to hide this. As long as I have this huge secret, i will suffer. The moment that I shared and i start telling people about this, it became a source of power. As a side note: Your secrets that you shared are your sources of power, so that moment you embrace them, they become the source of power, they become the source of attraction.
What I write in the email that I sent with my potential lovers is that If this feels right for you, I am happy to have sex with you. If it doesn’t, that is ok. There is no need to explain. Tell them and let them make the decision. Also tell them that it is not a yes or no, it’s how far do you want to go. For me, I love penetrative sex and penetrative sex is the best thing in the world together with chocolate and few other things. But It is okay to be engaged to somebody and not go all the way. Like what I mentioned earlier, if you are herpes negative, and you made to somebody who is a herpes positive, it doesn’t mean that you do not have any sexual thing with them. It might mean that they keep their underwear on. They wear underwear and you still have whole body but non-genital sex. You can have amazing orgasmic state for that. Also to add, because sometimes I didn’t wanna go into the herpes conversation, I would sometimes pleasure woman with my hands, with my fingers, with my mouth, with my presence and I wouldn’t take my underwear off. And I had amazing experiences with women even if I didn’t take my underwear off and some ways it made me a better lover, because I wasn’t just focussed on getting the penetration. I was pleasuring them and later I became a sexual healer, I became a young practitioner, later I became a coach, I became an educator. I wrote a book. Maybe part of the reasons I wrote this book is because in some occasion I couldn’t make love with women or I couldn’t penetrative love making, instead I went down on them. I had an experience with one woman and she something beautiful, she said “I had only one orgasm, it lasted for 1 hour and a half”. That is what happens sometime when you decide not to penetrate. This is what happens when you decide to be honest and be in integrity and say “I won’t gonna penetrate you, because we don’t want to take the risk”.
Why it is not such a big deal? The reason why it is not a big deal is that is like one of two or two out of three people in the world have herpes, either genital herpes or few of the other kinds. Better not to have it and sometimes it is not so nice and sometimes it is a bit itchy, but it is a skin condition and half of the world has it. This is why it is not such a big deal. It is not HIV, it is not Hepatitis, it’s not a worst condition when you have herpes. The thing about with herpes, after the first year and sometimes two years when people have many outbreaks many times they would have less and less and less outbreaks. The outbreaks would be less in years and there would be less frequent. For example, I hardly get any outbreaks, this is why it is such not a big deal.
How to protect yourself and others? Use condoms, use a female condom. And like what I mentioned to increase protection, diminish the risk of transferring infection, use dettol and diluted hydrogen peroxide. hydrogen peroxide it is H2O2.
Do you take any precautions/avoidance to this before you have a session with the client? I don’t have sex with my clients. I don’t think there is a problem there, some people do. If it is consensual, they decide to this before, that is ok. I choose not to. I don’t involve my lingam in the session itself. This means I am wearing clothes. What I do use most of the time is gloves in protecting myself to anything that I might get from my client. I’m using vinyl gloves on the hands, when I am touching woman’s genital part when I am doing yoni massage. This is also something that I would recommend. Some people there different use or approaches in using gloves. It is important to where your immune system is, if your immune system is down or very weak, you have more risk of getting herpes. If your immune system is strong and you live a healthy lifestyle and a balanced lifestyle and no to stress, then you will have less chance of getting herpes. It’s another good reason for you to work on your immune system.
I shared about my journey about herpes. I am feeling better because I haven’t gone publicly with this so much. Actually in my previous company I shared this in a workshop and everybody was saying something like “Oh My God, he just said something that we don’t want to hear”. I said “Look around, half of the people or third of the people in this workshop, statistically has herpes”. It is not something that somebody has. It is something that you know people that have this. Let’s stop making this into leprosy and start accepting it. And also be conscious protecting, be conscious about how we share with others and hopefully we share to other is love not our viruses.
In yoni massage, is HPV and other STD’s can be propagate by hand contact? This is why I mentioned that it is the main reason why I used gloves. The other reason is that it creates more presetting of precision rather than presetting of romantic or sexual interaction.
It is so much more common than most people realized. I no longer hide that I have herpes and through that I know more than 40 people who have herpes. The more we can do to treat it is as a cold sores in the genitals and destigmatized it the better. Genital herpes is a cold sore in the genital, it is a skin condition. Better not to have it. Some people have 10 to 20 spots, but generally it is benign. Benign means it is hardly any risk. The is a risk if a woman is about to go to labor and she has herpes and it might go to the newborn. The are some risk, I’m not saying that there is no risk but generally there hardly anybody has actual issues with herpes.
I find it interesting that we don’t ask people if they ever have a cold sore before we kiss them? It is funny that people kiss each other so much, and that considered ok. So cold sore is ok, it is not a problem. There is certain power that freed them that comes from being open but something that other people are hiding.
I just wanna say that go to intimatepower-5df041.ingress-daribow.ewp.live. I write a lot about sexuality, unleash your full potential. I write a lot about sexuality, releasing guilt and shame, unleashing your pleasure power.
I am holding a workshop, if you are in Australia it is worth a trip. I’m holding a workshop in a little over a week. We have a free interviewing on friday the 24th. We have the actual weekend on the Saturday and the Sunday. It is very transformative and transformational weekend, which will help you go beyond guilt and shame about sexuality. Help you embrace your sexuality. Help you as a man to control your ejaculation to last longer. Help you as a woman to become more orgasmic. And as a couple to learn how to connect with more love and more intimacy. The main focus is in yourself. Start with yourself, take full responsibility of yourself. Know what practices that you have to do, what mindshifts you can do to improve your sex life. If you want to have any private support, I hold skype coaching sessions with people all over the world in all timezones. Look it into website, there is a tub there named ‘I can help’. Somehow fit to help and support people. And also for men I also have an ejaculation control program on the website. What I would also like to hear from you is what else you want me to talk about. Anything related to sexuality. Sexuality, orgasm, ejaculation control and stuff like this, I am very happy to talk about. Unleashing your full potential, telling your passions and hobbies into income streams, wealth mindset, personal development, hobbies, rituals and daily habits, I am happy to talk about this.
What would I ask you to do is that if this served you in some ways, please write in the comment: What served you? What inspired you? Even a reminder of something that you knew before but it is a good reminder for you to hear. When you share comment below, you help somebody else to get a little bit of the summary to main points of this. You also help yourself because when you find value in something, in something you will get value as well. I called it value extraction, so do this. Also, share. Loving is sharing. Click to share. Share it to your facebook page. Share it in your facebook groups. Share it in whatever social groups you are in because as a society we’re gonna change when we put sexuality on the table, when we put on the agenda, when we actually start talking about this stuff. My name is Eyal and I have genital herpes and I am okay with that. Thank you for being open in hearing me, for being here in our webinar.