In this video Eyal goes through how to perform a Yoni massage, as well as the benefits for both the practitioner and recipient.
you can also check out the audio here:
For more information on Yoni massage, check out my book here.
Full transcript of this talk:
Yoni Massage, what is it, and what can you do to in order to pleasure, heal and empower your woman? My name is Eyal and I am a sexuality expert, an orgasm expert and also a human potential coach. I’ve been exploring this for years. I’ve been exploring this in some ways all my life. I have started practicing Tantra at around 2005, but the first Yoni massage I gave to a woman was around 1998, 1999, something like that. So I’ve really been exploring this for many years. And also, my path as a sexual healer started basically when I was a child, when I was a teenager. So, I’ve been really doing this for many, many years. And, I got into this Tantric workshop, Tantric community, many years ago, and then I started practicing ejaculation control, which meant I needed to pull out many times. And then, when I pulled out, I wanted to keep pleasuring my woman. And then as I was pleasuring my woman, I learned how to do Yoni massage.
Yoni, for those who aren’t familiar with the Sanskrit term, is another word for vagina. So, in some ways you can see it as a vaginal massage, although it’s not just that. So, I was in the Tantric community and I was very sexually active. I was, basically, giving Yoni massage to every woman I was with, to every lover I was with. And then, women started telling me, like, “You should offer it to other people, you should start offering it to other women as a service.” And I was like, “Oh no, no. I’m not good enough.” So, women were telling me that I should offer this as a service because I was really healing many, many women through making love with them and through Yoni massage, as lovers. And they told me, “Yeah, you should offer this as an offering, as a service for others.” And, I’m like, “No, I’m not good enough. I have not been doing it for 30 years like my teacher,” or, “I need a certificate,” or whatever.
And then, one of my friends told me, “You’re already doing it, so just recognize that you do it, and, like Nike, just do it.” So I started doing Yoni massage, and before I actually started doing that I told somebody that I started to offer it as a service. And another woman came to me the next day and she said, “Oh, I want to have a Yoni massage with you.” And I said, “You know? Did the other woman tell you?” And she said, “No, I just thought who would be the best person to do that, and I thought about you. And I want to pay you as a healing session, not as a lovemaking session.” That woman turned out to be Layla Martin, for those of you who don’t know her. That was my first client and she wrote about me in her book Wild Woman in the Bedroom.
So, I’m telling you all this to share with you that I have been doing all this for years. I have been working with people who are themselves practitioners and I got some amazing reviews. You can check the website Intimate Power. There’s a testimonials page somewhere there and it’s quite long. The reason also that I am saying this is that I see many people who are, “You know I just found this website today with this guy talking about Yoni massage. He’s giving like ‘happy ending’ to women.” And it’s like, “Whatever that means.” And, I was moved to do this talk, share this talk, and to share with people what it actually is.
Yoni massage is an art. Yoni massage is not just about the Yoni, it’s about a sexual awakening. It’s about empowerment. Yoni massage is something you can do during sex, it’s also something you can do outside of sex. You can do this for your lover and also you can do it for your friends, or people who walk with me do it as practitioner and client. You don’t necessarily have to make love with somebody in order to receive Yoni massage, and one of my goals for this video presentation is to teach men how to do this. And just to go back a moment, I think that many men are too worried that that is even possible, that it even exists. A friend told me that she heard on the radio that these guys were saying that men can receive a hand job from a woman, let’s say, but what is the equivalent for a woman? What can we do to her? It’s like what is the equivalent for finger massage?
So people are not aware actually, that you can massage a woman’s vagina and bring her amazing benefits and also get some benefits for yourself. So there’s huge benefits of Yoni massage. There’s huge benefits for the woman who is receiving that, there’s a huge benefit for the man who is giving that, and excuse me, I am quite heteronormative, so if your experience is different, just translate what I’m saying into your own terms. So, yeah, there’s huge benefits. And generally, the benefits are pleasure, healing and power, which are words that I really love to use, aspects that I really love to use. This is the book that I published last year, Orgasm Unleashed: Your Guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power.
So, in a Yoni massage, one of the things that the recipient would receive is pleasure, healing and power. This is something that can connect a woman to really new kind of orgasms. There’s eight different kind of orgasms that you can have, and another way there is 20 different kinds of orgasms that you can have. There’s much more than just clitoral stimulation and clitoral orgasm. So by giving your woman a Yoni massage you can look to open her to new kinds of pleasure and new kinds of orgasmic states.
Lisa Faramosa, I’m happy that you are asking me a question. By the way, it’s like this is a presentation but I’m doing it on Facebook, live, not recording a video, so people would ask me questions. “Could this be used for self-care as a woman? Is it possible as healing?” It’s very possible for yourself. This is something—I am looking at my book, I don’t remember exactly where it is—so it is in the book, and this is something that a woman can and should do for herself. Healing starts with you. Empowerment starts with you. Transformation starts with you. So by all means do this for yourself as well, use your fingers, use a dildo, use some long vegetable. If you have an issue with inserting long vegetables into yourself, I would ask myself, “Why?” So, by all means, do this even every day. Do this for a month. Self-pleasuring and internal stimulation is one of the core practices that I share with my clients and with my students at my workshops.
In this presentation I want to talk about what a man, or what a person can do for another person. So, there’s three aspects: pleasure, healing and power. Pleasure means that you can take your woman and you can help her be crazily orgasmic – become crazily orgasmic. You can help her experience multiple, multiple of multiple orgasms, and different types of orgasms, and also, what I’m usually talking about is the orgasmic state. So I think if you Google “orgasmic state”, it’s probably one of the first results there. It’s not about the orgasmic peak, it’s about that as a state. As a continuous, long state of orgasm that a person, a man or a woman, a woman or a man, can be in. So yeah, lots of different kinds of pleasure, and when I say pleasure, it’s like stuff that you, as women, are not aware of what is possible. It’s like it’s mind blowing, the level. I had this one client, I gave her Yoni massage and sexual healing and she said, “Here I was, a woman who until recently thought she was non-orgasmic, in a whole body orgasm that lasted for around two hours”. So this is what’s possible.
The second thing is obviously healing. And healing is very important. And by the way, these three aspects are connected to each other. If you only tried to give your partner pleasure, or you as a recipient, as a woman, you only try to have pleasure, that might work a little bit, but after a while, there’s some stuff that wants to come to the surface. And healing is a very important aspect of Yoni massage and generally of Tantra and sexuality and personal development, which is not discussed so much. Obviously, many women have experienced some kind of sexual abuse, but even if you haven’t experienced any kind of sexual abuse, many women still hold emotions, hold memories, hold stuff in the Yoni. And because that stuff is not being dealt with, it was suppressed. It’s still there. And then, when you’re making love, suddenly you will have anger, you have sadness, you have frustration. This stuff will start coming up. So Yoni massage is one of the things that are able to heal sexual trauma, sexual abuse, pain in your vagina, vaginismus, different kind of issues that women have, or just numbness. So many women are numb inside their vagina. They don’t feel inside. They feel at the entrance a little bit, they feel the clitoris obviously, but inside, it’s like they don’t have any sensitivity inside. And so, Yoni massage can bring sensitivity there as well.
Another thing, it’s not just a physical thing with the healing, it’s an emotional healing as well. So there is some physical healing, like you actually press some points there and you activate some points and you dissolve muscle contractions, but, it’s also very strong energetic healing, very strong emotional healing with Yoni massage.
And by the way, people, if you have questions, ask questions because I am looking at the comments section. And also, if you find this valuable, please, right now, share it on your Facebook someone, or Skype someone, or text someone, so they can join and they can receive this information. We are going to go for another half an hour or so.
So, pleasure, healing and power. The last thing is power. The last aspect of Yoni massage is power. And Soraya, I don’t know who is doing Yoni massage in New Zealand. Afterwards, people watching this can post on the thread of this video and help Soraya find somebody in New Zealand. Anyway, let’s continue. Power. Power is very important. And I’m talking a lot about intimate power, unleash your pleasure power, Your Guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power. Power is a very important aspect. So, through Yoni massage you actually empower a woman to experience orgasm by herself. So although you are giving her a session and through the session you are facilitating a space for her, facilitating an orgasm for her, you’re facilitating healing for her. It’s like, when I was making love with women and when I was giving the Yoni massages as lovers or clients, my intention there was that afterwards, the woman doesn’t need me anymore and she can meet anybody and have amazing sex with them and become crazy orgasmic and independent and empowered and confident by herself.
So this is the beauty of Yoni massage. It’s not like a happy ending. It’s not a sexual service. It’s something that teaches a woman how to receive that first, and afterwards how to experience that by herself. And this is very important to understand, that a lot of things we can do by ourselves, and I really believe in that. That’s the core of my teachings. But, also, that there’s some stuff that we can receive. So I received sexual healing from people, from woman usually. And, it’s like, stuff that I couldn’t do for myself. So, Yoni massage, pleasure, healing and power.
Another thing to remember, that the giver is receiving a lot from that. So, specifically, when a man is making love to a woman and it’s like he can pull out if he’s too close to ejaculation, as I recommend he doesn’t ejaculate. He stops himself before he ejaculates, and then he can pleasure his woman with his fingers specifically. So it’s something to do to help you with ejaculation control practice. And, honestly, it’s also something that helps you with your confidence. So, as men, it’s like, “Yeah, okay, don’t feed the ego and stuff,” but sometimes you want to know, you want to feel that you are confident that you can bring a woman to orgasm, or to an hour of orgasm. So, there’s great benefit for the giver. This is also something that allows you to move away from goal-oriented sex and penetration-oriented sex, because so many people are focused on this. And, again, penetration is amazing. Nothing is like penetration. Nothing can replace that. But, there’s also non-genital sex, and this is something that can teach you that as a man. You learn to pleasure your woman in various, different ways.
So, yeah, giving without needing to receive. This is a really, really big one. There’s also benefits for the couple so this would really bring you together. If you share Yoni massage with your partner, especially if you were going through a little bit of a stale period in your relationship, give your partner Yoni massage. This is a beautiful offering that you can give to her. Before we go into techniques and stuff—I know people are like, “Show us what to do!” And, “What do we do with our fingers?” I had this man once come to me, and was like, “I know how to do this and I know how to do this. What else do I need to know? Is that everything about Yoni massage?” And I was like, “Well, remember there’s a whole body around that Yoni, and remember there’s a woman’s soul within that body.” So, it’s like, “Where do I start?” And as men, and I’m guilty of it as well, we tend to be very technical. We tend to be very goal-oriented. So it’s like, “oh we’re massaging the Yoni.”
The first thing to understand about that is that you start with an attitude before you touch, before you even meet your partner. You start with an attitude. And the first attitude is service. So I’ve seen people in some way give Yoni massage, but they are actually, like, taking. Okay, so you do that as a service. You do that as an offering. You do this as worshipping the feminine. And the feminine can be a woman that you met half an hour earlier. And I had an amazing experience of Yoni massage with women that I’ve met a half an hour earlier. So, you start with an attitude of offering. You do this with love, you do this from love. You cultivate presence. There’s some technical stuff, but cultivate presence and in some ways you give Yoni massage with your presence and not just with your fingers.
You have to have patience, or you should have patience and persistence. Remembering that women are different, and sometimes that they are different every day or every minute, okay? So, have patience, have sensitivity, okay? This is challenging for men, because, again, they are technical. So, being reverent, being transfiguration, which is see your partner, see the woman you are giving the session to as Shakti, as a divine feminine, as the most ideal version of herself. You should have courage as well, because lots of stuff can come up in these sessions, you know? A woman can have a lot of shit come out. It’s like anger, rage, frustration, and start screaming at you. I had clients that were screaming and shouting and cursing at me when I was holding a session for them. And, you know, they were telling me, “I thought about you,” but suddenly it’s an outlet. Suddenly, I allowed them. I gave them the space to express that.
Both of you should have openness, acceptance and attachment. So, instead of saying, “Oh, I’m having a Yoni because I want to have female ejaculation, and I want to have that one hour orgasm that Eyal talks about.” Fuck that. Be open to whatever is coming up. And you might have three Yoni massage sessions of – one of them would be just meh and just numb, and just not feeling much, and another one will be crying and physical pain or whatever, and the third one, suddenly, you start having pleasure. And the pleasure will be so strong, and again, it might be too much.
As the receiver, also, be open yourself. Be open to whatever comes up. Cultivate really clear communication. I don’t necessarily suggest talking too much during the session, but if something comes up, don’t hide it. It’s very important that you communicate with the giver. Another attitude is, you need to be involved. In some ways, you’re relaxed, but, you’re still an active part. You do not just lie there and allow the person to do something, because that’s many times when women allow themselves to be objectified. Instead, you invite the giver. You invite your man to give Yoni massage. You ask him. So, it’s not just a consent. I have a process with my clients, I don’t just ask them for consent, I ask them for an invitation. I do the same thing with my lovers.
Is this serving you? By the way, I just want to hear, I see some comments. Specifically, I just want to hear, in the past 20 minutes, what did you hear that inspired you? What did you hear that contributed to you? What did you hear that was interesting on you? And also, use the comments there, to share, okay? I love to hear.
Okay, how to give a Yoni massage? I have 45 minutes to an hour, and it’s like, how do I sum up all of the stuff into, 45 minutes to an hour? And obviously, I don’t pretend that I’m going to do that. I’m just going to give you some pointers, and later, I might do more of these presentations, or publish a book, or whatever. So, if you’re interested in that, tell me as well. Soraya, “I just hope that there are beautiful men watching this too.” How about clicking “share” under the video and sharing it on your Facebook group, or on a wall of some other group, or whatever?
Bonnie, thank you, and I dare say that everybody can learn new things. I can learn definitely new things, you can learn new things. I think we can all learn from each other. Maybe one of these days we’ll do some Yoni massage exchange or something like that. Yeah, Shaye liked my comment about asking for invitation as well as consent. Just to share a little bit more about that, in the begging of a session, I would as a woman, “Do you agree that I touch you today?” And she would say yes, usually. If she would say no, I would start working on why there is a no. So, I would ask for her permission. But then, I would ask her, “Would you like to ask me to touch you today?” And she would say something like, “Yeah, I agree.” And I’d be like, “No. Would you like to ask me? Would you like to invite me to touch you today?” And for many women that would be a point where they suddenly start crying or they start getting emotional because it’s the first time that they’re actually given the opportunity and the choice to invite a man to touch them. And this is a therapeutic aspect by itself. So, when I’m talking about Yoni massage, Yoni massage is not just this. It’s not just massage. It’s not just something you do with oil on a bed or whatever. Yoni massage is – well, I call my sessions the Goddess Awakening Session, and this is what I teach people, okay? The Goddess Awakening Session is not just about the Yoni, and it’s not just a massage. It’s a whole-body continuous experience and a process.
So, remember that you’re integrating the whole body of your partner. It’s not a pap smear. It’s not like you go there and you open your legs and the doctor puts their gloves and there’s an examination there. Sometimes a Yoni massage would not actually include the Yoni. I sometimes have clients come to me and I tell them, “Listen. I’m not promising that I’m even going to touch your genitals or give you any massage, or whatever. You have to understand that when you start sexual healing with your partner, there might be stuff that comes up when you touch your face. There might be some stuff that comes up when you just hold your hand gently on her Yoni and do that technique that I teach which is called the Slow Rub, and suddenly there’s like, something’s there. So, she’s not ready to receive anything.
So, going back to the invitation, it’s something that you can practice as a woman. I noticed there’s a few women here as well. So, practice asking for what you want, but do it as an invitation. So, some women get really like, “Oh, I’m empowered,” and they start becoming a little bit bossy. So, a little bit is okay, but sometimes it’s like, “Please touch me. Please.” If you’re making love, not as Yoni massage, but you’re making love to your partner, so you ask him, “Please put your cock inside me. Please penetrate me. I want to feel you inside.” Find your words for that. These are some of the sweetest words that I know.
I was with my partner, with my lover the other day, and I was tired. I was not in a sexual mood at all. It’s like, “Crazy about you. It’s okay if we don’t have sex, okay?” And then, suddenly, she was like, “I want to have sex with you.” She said, “I want to have sex with you.” And suddenly, I was like, “Boing!” It’s like whoah. The moment that you, as a woman, invite a man, you tell him that you want him, it activates his masculinity. It activates his sexuality. So, your feminine is calling the masculine. Your invitation, your yearning is calling the masculine.
Okay, totally different subject. People, I like that you are congratulating each other. Nice one, and tell me also as I’m saying something that you find interesting and inspiring and contributes to you. Please tell me. I’m going to take a sip of water because I’m getting a little bit [inaudible 0:26:38].
Okay. Obviously, sexuality, there’s so many things that we can talk about. I want to give you a little something to start with. I’ll be talking to the men. All of these years I’m so used to teaching women a lot, and I feel like, okay, I want to share what I know with men so more men can go out there and go in there and serve more women, serve their partner, serve more women. So, tell your woman you can – thank you, Sacha. Tell your women that you want to give her Yoni massage, okay? Tell her. It’s like, “Darling, my love, I want to give you Yoni massage, and I want to give you vaginal massage.” And maybe she will be, like, “What’s that?” “I’m just going to massage all of your body, and I’m going to pleasure you and explore whatever needs to be healed. I want to give you this present. I want to give you this gift.” And you can even tell her, “In this session that I’m going to give you, we’re not going to have sex.” So, you’re removing the expectation of her needing to perform afterwards.
So, you are setting the scene, setting the space with intention that it’s totally about you giving to her. You, the man, giving to your woman. Set the space nicely. This is something that I needed to learn. So, for me, I kind of like this space which is empty. And for me it’s amazing because it’s white and empty. And instead, have nice lights, have candles, have some incense burning. Have some nice, very soft music going as well. Put some cloth around. You can do this on the bed, make sure you have a blanket because sometimes women have female ejaculation or other fluids coming. And make sure that you prepare yourself for a few minutes as well. Maybe do a bit of meditation and make sure that you are present. Make sure that your partner is also present. If she just came back from work or if she just took care of your three kids, or if she’s just crazily busy and suddenly you’re like, “Okay, sit here and I’m going to give you Yoni massage.” No. Make sure that she goes into a transition.
I would recommend eye-gazing and breathing together for a little bit. We can talk about all of these practices another time, but just get that for the moment. Just do some eye-gazing and look at her. And the eye-gazing, in some ways, is active as well, because you’re seeing her as the goddess. You are discovering all the beautiful things about her. You are looking at her body as well. And then you invite her to lie down. And again, ask for boundaries if it’s not your partner, or if she’s not ready for Yoni touch. Establish boundaries, ask for permission and invitation. Then, you lay her on her front. You can lay her on her back as well, but one option is to lay her on her front. And to start massaging her body, first of all, without oil. So, it’s totally amazing to give somebody massage without oil because you can explore different kinds of touch. And then, use some really good quality oil, oil which is so good that you can even drink it. Extra virgin, cold pressed, and so on.
Sorry, I’m seeing the comments and you’re cracking me up. Yes. Okay, I’m blushing. Thank you, Sacha. Lay her on her front and start massaging her first without oil, and then with oil. I have to see your comments. Massage with oil as well, and when you massage, don’t go into, “Ah, I have to touch this, this point and that point.” Just focus on bringing awareness to all of her body. When I started, I didn’t know how to give a massage, really. I was really basic at that. I could give a really good Yoni massage, but I didn’t know how to massage the whole body. So, just go with your intuition. Think about, if you have oil, you want to bring the oil all over the body. And it’s – you guys are amazing. I just love you with your funny comments. Go with your intuition with the massage. I think I’m going to put something there in order to hide the – that’s it, there’s going to be no comments for a few minutes. I’m not seeing comments. Yes. I’m hiding, yes. Lovingly, yes? It’s like, Okay, I’m a man with a strong presence, but if I see all my friends putting funny comments, it does hurt my concentration a little bit. It’s like I’m trying to give you a presentation when you’re talking, which I love you, no problem, but…
Rewind, press play. When you start this session for your lover, you have to set aside at least an hour. At least an hour. It’s like a joke in time travel. A man tells his lover, “No, let’s make love,” and she says, “But we only have two hours.” So, that’s the same thing with Yoni massage. Make sure that you have at least an hour if possible. I regularly give sessions of three hours, and sometimes I went to four, five hours, just to give you an example. So set aside time. And then, when you start the session, make sure that you don’t just focus on pleasure. You focus on connection. Don’t just try to pleasure your partner. Feel how you’re connecting to her body and feel like you are connecting her with her body. I kind of like asking myself how deep do I go in the remaining 15, 20 minutes that we have.
Let’s go technical. And I just want to say there’s so much that I’m kind of like jumping over right now, just to share with you some techniques that you can use tonight. But just know that there’s so much stuff. Thank you for the hearts. I can see the hearts. Bring on the hearts. There’s so many techniques and there’s so many things that are in between. So, obviously, it’s not a pap smear. You don’t go directly to a Yoni. So, give her a whole-body massage and focus on her breasts, focus on her tummy, her belly, her hips, her thigs, a little bit on her neck as well. So, the whole body, basically, but just give more focus on these areas.
And then, when you feel that she’s starting to open—by the way, there’s so many by the ways, make sure that she’s breathing through her belly. It’s funny, some of these things I’ve been doing for years and it’s just trying to remember what it is I’m doing in a session. Make sure that she’s breathing into her belly, and breathing into your belly is another orgasm technique that I cover which is very important. And it’s the reason why many times women are not orgasmic, or they’re not connected to their emotions or not expending or internalizing their orgasms. So, make sure that she’s breathing into her belly, make sure that she is making sounds as well, very important. And you can make sounds with her.
And then, drum roll, ask her, “Are you ready for me to touch your Yoni?” And let’s assume that she says yes. Then, again, you invite her to invite you. You suggest to her to invite you. You ask her if she’d like to invite you. And in that moment, again, this is a very meaningful moment that some women break down and cry in that moment as well, because men just take usually. Again, I’m generalizing. Men are beautiful, no problem. But because of the lack of sexual education and sexual awareness, people take from each other. So, for a woman, instead of being subjected to a man touching her, she would ask a man, “Please touch my Yoni, please touch my pussy, please touch my vagina, please touch my flower,” whatever words that you find to express that.
And then, use the man giving, or the woman giving—I assume the man is giving right now—just put her hand on her Yoni and another hand on her heart and pause. Because so many women—and I might look at the comments right now and see what you are writing, if this is your experience as well—but so many women have men touch their vagina and they immediately start to, what I call, scratch the clit, or try immediately to put fingers inside. Press, like, the likes button or something so that I see the likes on the screen if you’re agreeing with that, women. And by the way, I’ve definitely done that in the past. If you just hold the woman’s Yoni, she might orgasm, or she might start crying as a release. Because suddenly, instead of doing something, you’re just bringing awareness to her Yoni.
So, it’s all about bringing awareness to what is there. And sometimes there’s pleasure, and sometimes there’s pain and sometimes there’s numbness and sometimes there’s stuff that has been repressed for many years. And also, that creates expectation, because men and women are wired differently. Men usually want to be touched earlier and touched directly on their cocks, and women want to wait a little bit until you get to the main dish, main meal, yeah? So, finally, it’s like you finally touch the Yoni, and before that, you can hint to the Yoni, get close to the Yoni, but not touch her. Kind of like tease her a little bit. And then you put your hand on her Yoni and you don’t move it. You create an expectation. You create a yearning in her. Suddenly, it’s like after some time she wants you to start maybe pressing stronger or start to move your hand or whatever, and you’re not. You’re just holding your hand for like one minute, two minutes, and you’re just breathing with her. So, you’re signaling to her, “I don’t need to do anything right now. You don’t need to do, we don’t need to do anything right now. We’re just feeling. We’re just experiencing. We’re just being.”
And then you can apply some oil, and then you just start massaging her labia. I love this word: labia. Labia. It just sounds so