Yoni Massage: A Step-by-Step Guide for Men
Yoni massage or vaginal massage is a slow, hands-on practice that brings pleasure, healing, love and empowerment to a woman. It should be practiced outside of sex but learning it will make you a better lover.
This guide walks you through exactly how to give a yoni massage: the attitudes you bring, how to set up the space, and the actual touch and massage techniques, step by step.
How did I learn Yoni massage?
When I started studying sexual Tantra around 2005, I also practiced Ejaculation control so I could last as long as i wanted. Which means I needed to pull out often so I wouldn’t ejaculate. I learned to pleasure women with my mouth and with my hands. For a few years, I was making love for many hours a week, so I also gained a lot of experience at yoni massage. In 2009 I started offering professional yoni massage healing sessions and since then have worked with many hundreds of clients. In 2015 I published the female orgasm book “Orgasm Unleashed – Your guide to pleasure, Healing, and Power”, that was endorsed by female sexuality leaders.
This guide shares some of what I’ve learnt in the past 20+ years.
What are the benefits of a Yoni massage?
“Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for “Vagina”, and also means source, origin, spring, or “sacred temple”.
Yoni massage isn’t a happy ending. It’s an offering and a gift to your partner.
There are many benefits to yoni massage, including
Pleasure – While clit orgasms are nice, there are many more kinds of orgasms, ranging in durations, sensations, emotions, and part of the body. Some women who thought they were non-orgasmic have experienced their first orgasm or went into a looooong whole-body orgasmic state when they received a yoni massage.
Healing – Many women have experienced some kind of sexual-abuse, even if it was their loving partner penetrating them too soon or too hard. Most women hold stuck emotions, memories and stagnant energies in their yoni, whether or not they’ve experienced abuse. That stuff doesn’t disappear on its own, rather, it gets suppressed, and it surfaces during sex as discomfort, pain, rage, grief, or frustration seemingly out of nowhere. Yoni massage is one of the few practices that actually helps heal a woman’s body and her heart.
Love – Sex is also called “Love-making” for a reason. For me, it’s all about Love. Love is the gift of the feminine. Yoni massage helps a woman’s open her heart to give and receive love, not just to her partner, but to others, and to the world.
Power – At first, you hold space and facilitate healing and pleasure for your woman. And gradually, she becomes more empowered and independent in her pleasure. She will wish to connect with you, not from a feeling of need, but from a felt-sense of fullness, because she will have so much desire and love to share with you.
There are also many benefits for you as the giver or facilitator. Learning to hold a Yoni Massage session moves you away from goal-oriented, penetration-focused sex, and teaches you presence and non-genital ways to pleasure and connect with a woman. Once you start practicing ejaculation control it doubles as a way to keep pleasuring her after you’ve pulled out, or if you missed the point-of-no-return.
Couples will notice a deepening of their intimacy, improved communication, and a revamping of their sex lives.
There are dozens of other benefits – Click here to read more.
What Attitudes Should You Bring to a vaginal massage?
Before you touch her, before you even meet her for the session, arrive with the right attitude. Do this as a service, as an offering, as worshipping the feminine. Do it with love and from love.
Cultivate presence. You’re giving her a session with your presence, not just your fingers. Have patience and persistence, because women are different, and sometimes she’s different every day, or every minute.
Be sensitive and attentive to her needs and how her body responds to your touch.
See her in reverence. See her as Shakti, as the divine feminine, as the most ideal version of herself.
A lot can come up in a Yoni-massage session: intense emotions, painful memories, pleasure that feels “too much”, or seemingly “nothing”. Stay open, accepting, and a little detached from the outcome.
Tell her clearly, before you even start, that you don’t expect anything back. Say it, and mean it, because a lot of women will otherwise feel like now they owe you something. Repeat it if you need to. And even if she offers afterward, stick to what you said. That’s your test.
There are other attitudes to cultivate – Click here to read more.
How Do You Set Up the Space?
Yo bro! Women are not men. Your woman is affected by everything she sees, hears, smells and touches from the moment she steps through the door. Set up the space nicely. Put away anything which might be distracting. Have soft lighting, candles, nice-smelling incense, and either relaxing or sensual music.
Buy edible or food-grade quality oil, like coconut, avocado or almond, in a container that will not spill.
Clean your hands and trim and file your nails.
Put a thick towel down and prepare another one close by, because she might have female ejaculation. Have a few pillows to prop yourself up and as support for her knees. Make sure you will not be interrupted. Put your phone on airplane mode and silence it – A notification sound when she’s about to orgasm might destroy the moment.
Set aside at least 1.5 hours for this meaningful encounter, or more if possible.
Take a few minutes to yourself beforehand, do a short meditation or just relax, breathe, and center in your presence.
Being present, relaxed and loving is more important than any fancy techniques you might perform.
How to begin a Yoni massage?
Sit together on the mattress.
Start with some eye gazing and breathing together. Look at her. Really look at her, and find the beautiful things about her body and about her. That sets the whole tone before you’ve touched her at all.
Ask for permission to touch her. If the answer is no, don’t push it. Tell her you respect her “No” and ask her how she’s feeling.
Yes she might be your partner for 20 years, but it’s still a meaningful action to ask for consent. Then, go a step beyond consent and into an invitation – Ask her “Would you invite me to touch you today?”
For some women, that’s the moment they get emotional or even start crying, because it’s the first time anyone has actually given them the choice and the opportunity to invite a man to touch them, rather than just passively agreeing to it. That’s therapeutic by itself.
How to massage her?
It’s ok if you’re not an experienced massage professional. Just try to bring gentle touch, sensation, and love to every part of her body.
Ask her to lay on her belly first, and massage her whole body before you go anywhere near her yoni. Start without oil so you can explore different kinds of touch, then use oil. Massage her neck, shoulders, and the soft parts of her back (not her spine), then her feet and up to her buttocks. Spend at least 5 minutes massaging her buttocks. You can go near her vagina but don’t touch her.
Then ask her to lay on her back. Cup her breasts with your hand and just gently hold them for a minute or two. Then bring touch to her breasts, belly, hips, outer and inner thighs.
Make sure she’s breathing into her belly the whole time, otherwise make a loud inhaling sound to indirectly encourage her to breathe.
If she experiences some pleasure, that’s great, but there’s no expectation of any result or effect.
When and how do you touch her vagina?
After 30 minutes or more of whole body massage, ask her, are you ready for me to touch your yoni? Then ask her if she can invite you to touch her yoni, eg not just consent but invitation. Once she invites you, put one hand on her yoni and the other hand on her heart. Then pause. Don’t move. Breath together. Look at her eyes if they are open. Do that for a minute or two.
This matters because so many women had a man touch their yoni and immediately go for the clit, or immediately try to push fingers inside.
Apply oil and start massaging her labia, her outer lips, very gently. Always err on the side of softer than you think you should go, and check in with her as you go. Then massage her inner lips.
Keep clitoral stimulation light at this stage. If she orgasms from the clit too early, she might not get to the deeper, more meaningful orgasms later on. (If you want to learn how to turn clitoral pleasure into whole-body orgasms, that’s covered in Edging for Women: From Clitoral to Whole-Body Orgasm.)
You can hint at the entrance of her yoni, get close without touching, tease a little, and then you can cover the entrance with your hand and pause again. Create an expectation, a yearning. After a minute or two of just holding and breathing together, she’ll probably want you to start moving or pressing harder. That’s the point.
Move up and down around her entrance, the introitus, and push against it gently with your palms or knuckles.
How Do You Go Inside?
This is one of the most important parts of the session. How you penetrate her is very meaningful.
Ask her again: would you like my fingers inside you? Once she invites you, proceed.
Make sure your fingers are well oiled and so is the entrance of her vagina.
Assuming you’re sitting between her legs, insert your middle finger, slowly, up to the 2nd knuckle, and pause. Just stay there and feel her pulse.
After a while you can start moving your fingers inside her to massage the tissues of her yoni. Minimize in-and-out movements.
What Is the Clock Technique?
The clock technique, also called “mapping the yoni” is a simple and effective technique to bring both pleasure and healing.
Picture a clock face on top of her vagina. When you push up, that’s 12 o’clock. Push down, that’s 6 o’clock. Left is 9 o’clock, right is 3 o’clock.
Start at 12 o’clock. Push up gently and hold there for about a minute, you’re not rubbing or moving in and out, just holding. Invite her to keep breathing and if possible make a sound.
After a minute, move to 11 o’clock, then 10, 9, 8, and 7, and around to 6 o’clock, spending about a minute at each one before moving to the next. You can do this at different depths too, closer to the entrance, the middle, and as deep as you can comfortably reach.
Along the way you’ll find knots, places where the tissue feels tense or contracted, similar to a knot in someone’s back. You can press directly into the knot, or massage around it, either works. Some points won’t have a knot but will bring up pain or strong emotion instead. Invite her to express the emotion through breath, sound, words, or movements. Make sure she keeps breathing. Occasionally you can ask her what comes up. If this sensation had a sound, what would it be? If it had a color, what would it be?
If a point feels numb, that’s information too. It usually means there’s some stagnant emotions or pains there. Keep massaging.
What about the G-Spot?
Some people call this session “A G-spot massage”. I prefer a more holistic approach where we include the whole body and bring awareness to all parts of her yoni.
The G-spot is at 12 o’clock, roughly two to three finger breadths in. When you hook your fingers up and squeeze a little, you’ll find tissue that feels different from the rest, almost like a hard tongue, but squishy at the same time. If she feels like she suddenly needs to pee, that’s the spot, since it presses on her bladder.
Start by just holding, it doesn’t need to be strong pressure. Pause again. See what happens. After a while you can add the “come hither” motion. Sometimes you’ll want to stay here three to five minutes before moving to other points and later coming back.
Where is the Cervix?
Physiologically, the cervix is the entrance to her womb. In some languages it’s actually called “the neck of the womb”. The cervix holds her feminine energies, power and sacredness. It’s a source of profound pleasure. It also retains memories.
The cervix is the deepest area in her yoni. To reach it, you might need to insert your fingers all the way in, and it helps if she raises her knees closer to her chest.
You will feel something like a finger or a nose in the back of her vagina. It feels completely different from anything else. Hold it, press it gently, go around it in circles. Work around the opening of the cervix but don’t try to insert your finger into it.
You can spend 10-20 minutes or more on her cervix, staying on it or occasionally alternating with other areas in her yoni.
Just beneath the cervix is the lower wall, harder to reach, but often very sensitive, since it shares a wall with the rectum. It can feel similar to anal sex. This is a good place to mention that you shouldn’t actually touch her anus with your finger and then bring that finger close to her yoni because that might cause an infection. That’s why the lower wall, or the posterior fornix, is a clean and safe alternative to anal sex, and activates more parts of her vagina.
What can happen in a Yoni-Massage?
A lot can come up in a yoni massage: Pleasure, pain, stuck emotions, numbness, electricity, goosebumps, pins and needles, sometimes starting in the hands and traveling up the arms to the face or upper lip. Some women’s hands and arms lock up entirely, I call it the T-Rex. Some feel disoriented, even like they’re going to faint.
Just let it be. There’s nothing you need to do about it except keep breathing, keep her breathing, and trust the process.
If she’s breathing well, her energy is moving, her emotions are moving, and her orgasms get to become whole-body experiences instead of exploding and being lost the way a purely clitoral orgasm often is (Read more about it here).
How Do You End a Yoni-Massage Session?
Wind down slowly, the same way you went in. Pull your fingers out very slowly. The moment your fingers are out, cover her yoni with your hand, since it’ll be more open than usual right after. This brings a sense of being held, a feeling of grounding, and seals the energy.
Put your other hand on the middle of her chest, and pause. If her eyes are open, look into them. A lot of women will go into a deeper emotional state here and start crying, from gratitude, from being deeply touched, from having their femininity recognized and worshipped. Give this a long time. Tell her there’s enough time, there’s no rush.
Some women don’t feel much during the session and then, right as you’re pulling out, something releases: crying, uncontrollable laughter, deep realizations, even anger.
Don’t move into love making afterwards, at least the first time you share this with her. You already told her at the start that you don’t expect anything back, so be true to your word. This is what keeps the practice separate from goal-oriented sex.
Effects can keep surfacing afterward, in the next hour, the next day, sometimes even the next week. Ask her how she’s feeling, if she needs anything, and check in again later.
Consider doing this practice again at least once a month or more often if you can.
Gradually you can integrate some of what you learn into your foreplay and love making.
I’ve created an online video training that starts with non-sexual practices, intimacy games, whole body massage, and goes all the way into a 30 minutes video of just yoni massage, demonstrated on a natural and beautiful woman. To watch a free 2 hour sample of “Awakening Female Pleasure” program, click here.
Common Questions
Is this the same as a “happy ending” massage? No. There’s no expectation of any result or goal. She might orgasm, or not. Read the “benefits” section above and check out the linked article for the full list of benefits
What if nothing “happens” during a session? That’s normal, especially early on. Numbness isn’t failure, it just means she’s not used to feeling much there yet. Consistency over a few sessions matters more than any single one. And there are subtle effects that neither of you is aware of.
Do I need oil? Yes. Start the body massage without oil, then bring in a good quality oil as mentioned above.
Can we have sex right after? Better not to, especially the first few times. You already told her you don’t expect anything back, hold that even if she offers. Keeping it separate from goal-oriented sex brings more benefits to her and to your relationship.
About the author: Eyal Matsliah has been teaching sex and intimacy since 2009. He’s the author of Orgasm Unleashed and creator of Intimate Power, where he teaches men and women practical, natural approaches to pleasure, healing, and soul work.
