Recently I was interviewed by Dr. Linda Wilson on 97.7FM Casey Radio. We talked for 2 hours about how I got into this work, sexuality as a healing modality and how it can change your life, and how most people don’t even know what they are missing out on! You can listen to the full interview here:
Full transcript:
Host: Welcome to the Health and Wellness show everybody on Casey Radio 97.7FM. This is Dr. Linda Wilson and as you know if you are a regular listener to the show, I have fabulous guests who come either into the studio and chat with me, or we talk over the phone. And this afternoon is no exception. I have Eyal Matsliah with me today from intimatepower-5df041.ingress-daribow.ewp.live. We’re gonna be talking about a whole range of things to do with sexuality, sensuality, women’s sexual health, creativity in sexuality and business, and the list goes on. Eyal, welcome to the show!
Eyal: Hello, thank you for having me.
Host: No problem at all, it’s my pleasure! I’ve really been looking forward to… This is such a huge topic. And it’s often something that people don’t talk about, so we are going to delve into that a little bit more, as to why it is that people don’t really wanna talk about sexuality , sexual health,… except I guess in those specific forums. And over the years you probably would have been involved in lots of those. But before we get started with all that, tell me where you’re from and how did you get to where you are now, being a life coach on sexuality, creativity and business.
Eyal: I was born in Israel around 40 years ago and I was always fascinated by women. I was fascinated, appreciative…
Host: Many other people are as well.
Eyal: Yes.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: And in some ways it was different cause I was not as infatuated as I was playing with them I was kind of like a soft boy so I was doing their hair and stuff.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: I was also very sexually inquisitive, so I played with my 4-year-old neighbor when I was 5 and I discovered her clit back then as well. And I really enjoyed that, but then we got discovered and then she couldn’t play with me again … And I was always very playful with girls, even back then. On the other hand, I didn’t… I did not watch porn, and my attitude towards sexuality was different. And then came a quite meaningful day in my life where, there’s a trigger warning by the way, for those listening, where I found myself witnessing a scene of rape, specifically gang-rape. I was 13 at the time I was appalled by what I was seeing. I had this tunnel vision dissociation, like actual rape victims experience. And I couldn’t help this woman. And I couldn’t leave where I was sitting because my friends were all around me and I didn’t wanna be the softie. That was actually a movie that we were watching.
Host: Right.
Eyal: The movie called “The Accused” with Jodie Foster.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: But actually that movie was the most real thing I’ve ever witnessed. Back then I vowed not to treat women like that, and in some ways I became not de-sexed but I became… It’s like I never pushed forth for sex. Because of that I went through years of teenagehood with just foreplay, first base… And I really discovered how much you can have pleasure and connection and exploration without even having genital touch.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: So fast-forward a few years, I did discover my sexuality, I discovered also the powerful aspects of my masculinity. I discovered a Tantra workshop 11 years ago in Thailand. That’s really when my life changed. So there’s a conscious sexuality which is connected to spirituality and a spiritual practice as a life-affirming practice. And I started practicing the moment I had this workshop which means having a lot of sex. You’re really trying to have it as conscious sex, meaningful sex, not just F—ing, but…
Host: Sure.
Eyal: … But really really connecting with the person that I’m with. And I started to have amazing experiences with women. It was always about healing and about empowering. So not just what I can get from them, and I am very happy to receive as well, but how I can empower them, how I can pleasure them, how I can give them an experience that would stay with them beyond me, that they can carry to the next levels. And then, still answering your question how did I get there, it’s like women started telling me: “You’re really good at this! Why don’t you offer this as a service?” So I was making love with them, and it was not just making love, I was giving them sexual healing, giving them vaginal massage that’s called Yoni massage, in the love-making.
Host: And is that part of the tradition that you’ve learned about in Thailand?
Eyal: they taught me just a little bit of that and most of it has been my own exploration. Studies, videos, books and so on.
Host: Sure.
Eyal: And a lot of practice. And then when they were telling me: “You need to offer this as a service!” I said: “Who? Me? I’m not good enough! I’m not enlightened like my teacher. I haven’t been doing it for 30 years. I don’t have a certificate. I don’t have this, I don’t have that.”And one of my friends just satd: “Eyal, you’re already doing it, so just acknowledge it and do it!” And I started doing it, and I’ve learned so much more by actually offering that as a free service. I did a lot of sessions, had really meaningful sessions. Then people started asking for advice, you know: “How do you do this, how do you do that?” So I started giving advice for both men and women around sexuality. In Australia I opened a Tantra school,… And then the work widened, cause I realized it was never just about sexuality – it’s about sexuality as a tool to empower people. Because a person who is empowered in their sexuality, everything else in their life gets better. It’s like turning the volume up.
Host: Yeah. And we can go into that because I think that’s a connection that people often don’t make. And I think it’s really important that we do, because as, from what I do know about the work that you do, it’s the key, isn’t it? It’s sort of like as you say, it turns the volume up It turns the power up, it turns everything up if people are connected in that way.
Eyal: Yeah.
Host: The questions that I wanted to ask you are very much to do about with why it is that these discussions are often only held in very specific places, and whether there are cultures for which this is just a natural part of the conversation. Go into that for me a bit if you wouldn’t mind.
Eyal: Yeah. I love Australia. I’m very happy to be here. In Australia, its part of the commonwealth… It’s still English.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: In its values. It’s very puritan. There’s also the Christian stuff. It’s not a very Christian country, but there are still christian values all throughout the western world. In the States it’s the same. And, by the way Aussies are a little bit more relaxed than the Americans, but still, this puritanism and this separation between what has to be private and what is public. It’s like: “Sexuality is OK, but we don’t talk about this around the dinner table.” You can talk about war, you can talk about violence, you can talk about politics, but no, sexuality is a big no-no. And then there’s the French.
Host: [laughs] OK, yes.
Eyal: The French, who invented the French kiss, it’s totally different. They talk about sexuality all the time. The Scandinavians as well. The Dutch. And I’ve lived and travelled in all of these countries, I’ve traveled in quite a lot of countries. And I lived in Scandinavia. I was there the whole winter when I started to write my book. It’s a whole different culture with their attitude towards not just sexualty, but for exaple, nudity. nudity does not have to be sexual.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: Nudity is a very natural thing. It’s very natural for us to go around without clothes. Like children, like kids do. Little kids do. And it’s also about sexual expression and sexual awkwardness. For those of us listening, I’m not saying that everybody needs to have sex with multiple partners and whatever, but even if you have one partner you can be sexually liberated with that partner, or you can be seually repressed.
Host: Yeah.
Eyal: So yeah, there’s definitely cultures… And there’s also sub-cultures within cultures. I’m part of the alternative community of Melbourne, and we go to a festival called ConFest., and in ConFest many people are naked. many people are talking about stuff that you usually wouldn’t talk around the dinner table. There’s workshops, there’s societies. There’s communities that are much more sexually permissive and expressive, here and all over the world.
Host: And what about some of the Asian cultures? For example, you mentioned when you did your first workshop in.. was it?
Eyal: In Thailand
Host: In Thailand. And it’s the Tantra tradition that you were studying. So what about some of the Asian cultures?
Eyal: Sadly, a lot of the western puritanism has gone into those cultures as well. Tantra came from India, but the British came to India and then they brought their values as well and… And Gandhi, who I love very much, who I appreciate very much as a person, wanted to destroy the Khajuraho temples The Khajuraho temples are Tantric temples where there are statues with depiction of love-making and threesomes, and orgies… The kama Sutra basically in statues. And he said: “This is foul. This has to be obliterated”. Indians have lost their connection with conscious sexuality, and they are one of the biggest creators of this. The Chinese as well – Chinese Taoism also related to the Indian Tantra. Also they lost it with the Cultural revolution and the communist revolution It’s not something that they do. And in Thailand there’s a lot of double standards. There’s lady bars, there’s a lot of prostitution and stuff, but nudity is forbidden. Nudity is illegal. Public shows of affection are frowned upon. So we as foreigners are asked not to lip kiss in public because that’s considered rude. All over the world there’s a lot of these…
Host: Double-standards everywhere.
Eyal: And I would say that some of the traditional cultures were very open around sexuality. Very expressive around sexuality. and we lost some of it. I think that… I’m not saying that sexuality is the only problem in the world and it’s the cause of all other problems, but it is a problem, and it causes people to be disconnected from themselves. It causes people to be judgemental of others as well. because if somebody has a problem with their sexuality, they will have a problem with other people’s sexuality.
Host: An we do see that in many cases in the world where homosexuality for example is something that is illegal, frowned upon or all the rest of it. We’ve come somewhere that’s certainly not all the way that we could move in this area, that’s for sure. So Eyal, tell me, when do people confuse sex with sexuality. Now, I’m talking about the kind of sex that many people refer to as shagging. Why have we obliterated and destroyed the sensuality around much of what is just a human need and a human expression, and turned it into something that is about power and control and destruction in many ways?
Eyal: Yes. That’s an example or proof that when you suppress something, it basically doubles up from another place. Sexuallity has been suppressed, and now it’s all really expressed through porn, and it’s not expressen in harmonious ways. People have a problem with their sexuality, they go on-line xxx. something, and they see depictions which are unnatural, which are totally fake, which are edited. It shows people with bodies which are not common, with behaviors which are not common. Even something that they do that might be OK, they show it in a way that is not really respectful for neither the woman nor the man. By the way, men are as objectified as women are in those movies. I think that’s the problem – when you suppress something, and when somebody suppresses themselves, they will suddenly have an aggressive behavior for example, or very a needy behavior, oran addictive behavior. Somebody would have a problem with thei sectuality and would start having addictions to food, to work, to shallow forms of sex, to prostitution, to strip-clubs and so on. There’s nothing inherently bad in a woman taking off her clothes, but the strip-club industry is not something which celebrates the feminine. I have a whole blog-post which is called… two blog-posts actually called “The Problem With the Sex Industry” and the other one is “My Vision for a Conscious Sex Industry”, where I actually write about how things can be. So going back to your question, it’s like we’ve suppressed everything, and this is why it became a taboo and this is why it became… It starts to become twisted.
Host: Yeah.
Eyal: OK. And even depictions of sexuality in mainstream culture are lacking, to say it very mildly. If you see in American movies for example,. So the couple meet up and they have a date, maybe two dates and they go to his or hers, take off their clothes, jump into bed, start moving faster and faster… And then it’s like both of them come and the man rolls over cause they have to do it in a missionary position of course. The man rolls over and then the bedsheet is magically covering the man’s waist, but (not) the woman’s breasts. It does an L-shape in bed. And then they used to smoke a cigaret; now they just talk. It’s so shallow! It’s so boring! There’s these internet top ten sex scenes, and all of them are boring. There are some French films and Swedish films, and Italian films and Spanish films and stuff that show a little bit more. But what we consider as sex is boring. It’s either boring or it’s fake.
Host: So we’ve commoditised it hugely as well haven’t we?
Eyal: Right.
Eyal: As you said in movies, the sex industry, in the main. And so much… We can talk about what you’ve said.
Eyal: Something to add if I may. There’s a whole Judeo-Christian puritan thing about fidelity in marriage. I believe in having conscious relationships. The fact is, I don’t know… I don’t remember exactly, I think 40 percent of women and 60 percent of men cheat throughout the marriage. This is huge!
Host: Is that an Australian statistic?
Eyal: I think it’s either American or western. But the thing is quite representative.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: So half of partners cheat throughout the lifetime of the marriage. What is it, 1 out of every 2 marriages fail? Marriages don’t work, and I would say that many people who stay in a marriage , sometimes it doesn’t work but they stay for the sake of the kids. Or they stay because it’s safe, because they don’t wanna risk it with somebody else. Sexuality has something to do with that as well because when someone is sexually satisfied, they wouldn’t go to see a prostitute, or a woman wouldn’t have an affair.
Host: Sorry, when they’re sexually unsatisfied.
Eyal: Sexually unsatisfied, sorry.
Host: Yeah.
Eyal: Sexually frustrated.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: If the woman is not giving it to them, or not sharing her feminine gifts and love with them, they want that feminine gift and love from somebody else. Even if they need to pay for that. And by the way prostitutes, and I do know a few and I have a few as clients, they don’t just give sex – they give affection. They give acceptance. They give love. So maybe they sell it… And sometimes it’s not even entirely fake. Sometimes they actually… I talked with these… conscious prostitutes which were really loving the men that they were working with. So I just wanted to add that this suppression leads to problems. Suppression leads to marriages either ending, or people living together and not really enjoying the marriage life.
Host: Yeah, it’s definitely one area where there’s a lot of conversation just about that, that’s for sure.
Eyal: Yeah
Host: And it’s a topic of conversation for married couples when they get together and share their stories in many ways as well. And we do, I think talk about sex in that context as perhaps an issue or a problem. But we aren’t necessarily talking about in terms of where can you go to get more information? You know, who… Even that seems to be a huge mystery for many many people that there are people like yourself out there for example, who do offer education and information around this area for people. So Eyal, I knew this would happen, we just did this massive deep dive and I haven’t even asked you some of the most basic questions yet! So, you’ve already told us how you became a sexual healer, but then you moved this into a much bigger arena in terms of being a coach. When you offer information and education, is it still all based on a one-on-one relationship, or are you looking at group work… How do you actually present a lot of this information?
Eyal: To give a wider context, I think that sexual education in the world is lacking. Children are… Teenagers are taught about the risks – pregnancies and STDs.
Host: Yeah.
Eyal: They’re not really taught about how to make love. How to have sex, how to have pleasure, how to give head. About the possibility that yeah, sometimes there are multiple partners and how do you manage that. We become adults and then people think there’s no sexual education for adults. So you’re supposed to figure it out by yourself. In some tribal societies there was initiations into manhood, into womanhood. there would be the elders that would sometimes sexually initiate the youngers. Then again, I’m not talking about… Somebody can listen to this and take it the wrong way. I’m saying there’s different forms of initiation. Reading a book is a form of initiation.
Host: Yes.
Eyal: Going to a workshop is a form of initiation. What I’m offering is different levels of interaction with me. The very basic one is my book “Orgasm Unleashed” specifically for women and also for those who love them. The idea is that you can read an article, and you can read ideas. Not even a video; some people think: “Ah, I’m not seeing it so how can I understand?” I’m saying that when you expand your definition of orgasm, your orgasm will expand. And also about sex – you expand your definition of sex, your sex life will expand. There’s a few attitudes that I’m teaching, and when you have these attitudes, your sex life will change. I had women in workshops come to me and then say: “I never understood what an orgasm is! Once you explained what an orgasm is for me, I realised I was always orgasmic.” By the way, there’s a huge number of women who don’t actually have deep, meaningful orgasms. we can talk about this later if you wish. But sometimes it’s about understanding what it is that you actually wanna experience, not what you think that you want immediately.
Host: Yeah. My comment on that is very much about what it is that you think you are supposed to experience as well based on the education most of us have received, which is dismal. We hear about the mechanics of it. we hear about the repercussions of it.
Eyal: Yeah.
Host: We hear about the responsibility of it, but we don’t necessarily hear about how it can actually be a transformative process for example.
Eyal: yeah.
Host: A healing process for many.
Eyal: And also there’s disinformation. It’s like sexual revolution, end of the 60s, women got rights – great! But then the sexual revolution was so much about the clit. (Did I) say that?
Host: You have. So I guess we are, yes.
Eyal: laughs . So since then it’s been so much focus about that. Women have to understand you have such a beautiful anatomy apart from this part. It’s not wrong, but there is so much to sexuality and so much to pleasure beyond this place. We’ve also received the wrong information and misinformation and disinformation. There is information about different kinds of orgasms, about the fact that a woman can gain an orgasmic state for an hour. That can be a very relaxed, very beautiful and subtle state. It can be an ecstatic state. I heard somebody say: “I don’t have time. I don’t have energy for this.” You don’t need energy for this – this is something that creates energy when you do it right, when you don’t have the kinds of orgasm which deplete your energy, but the kind of orgasm that builds your energy. By the way, I did say clit a second ago, and yeah, I have full respect for the people who are listening. Somebody is triggered. This is part of the holistic transformation aI will share in a moment, but if someone is triggered ask yourself why are you triggered? i’m not saying… There’s nothing bad OK, you’re triggered. Why? what is triggering you? What words are triggering you? what concepts are triggering you? You don’t have to accept everything ‘m saying, I just ask you t, the listener, to consider, and to reflect. It’s like: “What is my connection to my body? What is my connection to my sexuality?”
Host: And what belief structure are you coming from.
Eyal: Yeah
Host: Around even asking that question of yourself really.
Host: Yeah
Host: Yeah. . I’ve got a list of questions and we’re gonna get to them cause it’s just fabulous, we’re ranging all over the place.
Eyal: Yeah.
Host: You have put a sexual healer and sexualuty coach, you’ve put them together.
Eyal: Yeah.
Host: Those two things. So, what is the connection between being a sexual healer and then that concept of sexuality? And I want to ask you as well about sensuality, because In my mind, they’re two very very different things. They’re connected very powerfully, but they’re two very different things. The first question – you’ve got sexual healer and sexuality coach together. Why have you done that?
Eyal: I’ve been contemplating recently a lot about this, and I’m using the word “sexual healer” so people would kind of get an idea of what I’m doing.
Host: Sure.
Eyal: But I’m actually not using it so much. I like “coach” because coach is getting you from a certain place beyond, to the next step. healer says: “Oh, you have a problem, you need to be healed!” I’m really changing… Language is so important.
Host: yeah.
Eyal: Language creates reality. So I’d like to from now on to relate to myself as a sexual coach, a sexual educator. And yeah, there is some healing that needs to be done. The subtitle of my book is “Your Guide to Pleasure, Healing and Power”. Many women and men by the way, it’s not just women who have problems and traumas and pains and so on. Many people have issues with their body, issues with their sexuality. Women who don’t orgasm. men who come too fast. People who have pains during sex. Some people actually know that they had abuse or rape or stuff like this. But some people didn’t know like something big but they still have issues.
So it’s really important to reflect on the issues that a person has and to deal with that, because, this might be answering one of your next questions, but people come to me and say… They come to me as a coach for sexual coaching and they say:”My life is great, there’s no problem. Only my sexuality. I only have a problem with my sexuality”. After a few minutes of talking we actually uncover that they’re not where they want to be in life, in their relationship In their business, in their career, in their creativity. it all boils down to their sexuality. I teach Tantra… There’s many definitions of Tantra, but one of the things that Tantra says it’s a word. Everything is connected to everything. If you have an issue with your sexuality, your sexuaity is gonna affect everything. And even if a person is already successful, already creative, already ruch, already influential, and they still have a sexual problem, that person should know that when they master their sexuality, everything else in their life is gonna shine and become 10 times bigger, stronger wiser…More amazing.
Host: You describe it as though it’s almost like a life force.
Eyal: It is. It is two things. On a psychological level, it is something which is very strong and it impacts everything. And also in a physiological or energetical level it is something which charges all aspects of your life. Sexual energy is creative energy. Sex… Biologically it is meant to create children. But obviously we can use this energy and we can channel and harness this energy in order to be more creative. Being more creative doesn’t just mean making a painting or making a sculpture. Everything you create you create a business, you create a workshop, you create an excel sheet… You create training… A lot of thing can be more creative or can be made better with the power of sexual energy. It’s a life force energy as well, because if somebody is losing that energy, think about a man after he ejaculates. It’s like a cultural joke – a man ejaculates and he falls asleep. Why is that?
Again the first aspect of my model, “Reflect”, why do men get tired after they make love? People say: “Oh, it’s natural. We have to do this”. Do you actually need to do this? Or maybe there’s a different choice. Some women actually get depleted after they have these clitoral orgasms that I mentioned. They’re not bad, they’re just not serving. And a woman would be kinda like done, like a man is. A little bit tired, a little bit irritated,. Still, there was a pleasure and there’s some level of satisfaction, but it’s a very shallow level of satisfaction. Ths is this life force that we are losing in this thing that we call “explosive orgasm”. Explosive orgasm means we have it then it explodes and we lose it. There’s another kind of orgasm, it’s called “implosive orgasm” And implosive orgasms for both men and women, they can keep the energy inside them, and then the energy implodes inside their body. They can have a whole body orgasm, they can have multiple orgasms… But then it’s not just about the pleasure – it’s about them coming… it’s about when you finish the session, when you rise out of bed you feel charged. You feel alive! Some people can’t sleep because…
Host: So they’re harvesting that energy and then being able to use it.
Eyal: Exactly!
Host: With discretion I guess in whatever project you choose to aim it at?
Eyal: exactly.
Host: Yeah, OK. Ad this is something that you teach?
Eyal: Yes.
Host: OK. I do wanna talk about your model so that people get a really clear understanding of that, cause I think… I think in any way that we can discuss this in a really adult way, but also in an informative, educational and playful way is very valuable to people. And I hope the listeners are really enjoying the discussion so far. My guest this afternoon is Eyal Matsliah and you can find Eyal at intimatepower-5df041.ingress-daribow.ewp.live. You can go to that website, you can check out his book, which we are going to be talking about in a little while as well. That’s called: “Orgasm Unleashed: Your Guide To Pleasure, Healing and Power”. Can people buy that from your website?
Eyal: Yeah. There’s an Amazon link there, so they can buy from Amazon, paperback, e-book… There’s also a free 70 page sample if somebody doesn’t want to commit. They can download that and there’s articles as well. I share